Coping with new stepdad in kids life

[SpecX]

Sucks having to bring personal issues here, but always found good information and ways to cope with situations others have already dealt with.

My ex-wife and I have been split up almost 2 years from a 10 year relationship (3 years dating, 7 married) due to her cheating. We've have some challenges since the split, but always put the kids first. Things got a little difficult last year when her mom passed away, I tried giving her more time with the kids like she wanted and she lashed out at me with mixed emotions, threatened to call the cops on me, and resulted in us doing everything apart including things with the kids. She's out dating again and found someone, which good for her, but she was forcing the kids to keep it a secret even though I knew. This causes a new set of issues and we decided to go to lunch to air out the situation.

During the lunch, we talked about the issues, came to an agreement things needed to improve for both our sake and the best interest for the kids, and then she drops a bomb on me. She's now pregnant with this guy she's been dating for a few months and he will be moving in with her. The pregnancy is early, but it reopened some sensitive emotions, but again it's her life that she's moving on with. and I expressed that I hope for the best for them.

My issue now I'm dealing with is coping with the fact my kids will now have a stepdad in their life. I have a great bond with my kids, always doing everything I can with them with my time and go through great strides to make sure they have everything they need. I'm starting to panic inside and my mind is racing that there's a new guy moving into their life and I don't know how to handle it. I've always said I'd be a great stepdad if I enter a relationship with a woman with kids, but never thought about how I would take it on the flip side. I've met the guy once and was very respectful to him, but he's 25, 9 years younger than me and I don't know how to take that. I'm guessing this is normal, but do I talk with him on the side and explain my morals, try to be friends with him? Anyone else have to deal with this have any tips on how to approach this situation? I laid in bed all night tossing and turning not knowing how to handle the thought of this.

 

[Mediking]

My ex-wife and I have been split up almost 2 years from a 10 year relationship (3 years dating, 7 married) due to her cheating.

Click to shrink...

she's now pregnant with this guy she's been dating for a few months and he will be moving in with her. The pregnancy is early, but it reopened some sensitive emotions, but again it's her life that she's moving on with. and I expressed that I hope for the best for them.

Click to shrink...

I've met the guy once and was very respectful to him, but he's 25, 9 years younger than me and I don't know how to take that.

Click to shrink...

Man, I'm so angry for you. It's not even funny. Wow, man. Sorry to hear this.

 

[Deleted member 41520]

It's scary, but sounds a lot like you're already a great dad and your kids will always see that and put you first.

The only dads I've known who've slid into obscurity behind their stepfathers have been the dads who didn't put any effort in and basically didn't stay in touch. That doesn't sound like you.

Whenever you feel anxiety about something like this, remember it's natural. Anxiety is a natural sensation, just like pain or fear. Your brain is telling you it's worried about something. If you objectify what's making you anxious and embrace what the anxiety objectively is, it'll get easier to handle.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

Sounds like your relationship with your ex is a lot more strained, but this is something that's happening my life too.

My ex's partner recently moved in with her, and his kids are there part of the time (he's got 8 years on me, but his kids are younger). Because we had an open marriage, I actually got to know the guy pretty well before she and I split up, and he's frankly a really awesome dude. I definitely never spent any part of my marriage expecting someone else to be living with/raising my kids, but if I had to pick someone, this dude might be it.

I don't know what the traditional approach might be, especially if you and your ex aren't on great terms, but I guess I'd be inclined to try and strike up a separate relationship with him on a casual level, and see where it goes. As you said, you care deeply about your kids, and it'd be nice to have a solid relationship with the other adult who is going to be in their lives from now on.

It's kinda nice for me, if I'm being honest. I had an extra ticket to The 1975 a few weeks back and ended up taking him. We got to shoot the shit and talk about my kids and he had some great thoughts and insight into them and that was pretty neat. Having a third person who gives a fuck about my kids and actually knows them in a more daily grind kind of way is helpful. That, and we got to joke a bit about the kinds of things that come up in his relationship with them and his relationship with my ex.

Good luck.

 

[i-hate-u]

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?
How old are your children?

 

[Deleted member 21339]

Don't have any good advice for you other than to say I completely understand your anxiety/fear and would probably feel exactly the same way. Hell, I'd probably do something petty like go for full custody of my kids or something.

 

[The Albatross]

That's really hard, and I don't think you're wrong for feeling anxious and mixed emotions about it. I'm sorry you're going through this.

If I were in that situation, with my wife (well, I guess she'd be my ex wife) having a man move in with my kids I'd be guarded and suspicious, especially someone who might be 25 living with youngish kids... Like, I don't know how they are as would-be parents, or how they'd treat me kids, or what the safety situation would be. I don't think you have any grounds legally for this, but it's something that I'd think about as well.

You'll always be 'dad' to your kids, and it's important to put their needs first like you always have, while making time for yourself. Don't be afraid to talk to your kids about it and how they feel, they probably have a lot of mixed emotions about it too, but because there's been that really unhealthy "keep secrets from dad" thing that your ex-wife pushed on them, they might not feel like they can open up to you about it ... ANd they also might have a hard time communicating with such a big thing hanging over them like that.

I think talking to a professional counselor about this would probably be best. We can give some advice but most people haven't been through the same situation, and because it's not just your mental well being, but also your kids, I think it's worth looking for an expert who might specialize in these sorts of events. A Divorce/marriage counselor might have a recommendation for someone who specializes in people who are recently divorced and the sorts of things they're going through.

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?
How old are your children?

Click to shrink...

This is, frustratingly, pretty common.

 

[MrNewVegas]

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?
How old are your children?

Click to shrink...

That's how the courts rule custody. Woman are viewed as the primary caregiver.

 

[thediamondage]

You're their dad, thats it. Stop trying to control so much. You have no control or say over your ex wife or her relationships or how her new man interacts with your kids other than to ensure he isn't doing anything harmful to them. If he is lax with disciplining them or if he is stricter with them than you would like, ITS NOT YOUR CALL. His morals and stuff are not something you get to talk to him about.

Just focus on your kids, worry about how you spend your time with them and ensuring they grow up to be good people who most importantly know that you are always there for them and they can call you anytime to talk about anything. But don't try to set rules and stuff with your ex wife and her guy, you are the ex husband and parents of her kids and thats it.

 

[i-hate-u]

This is, frustratingly, pretty common.

Click to shrink...

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Just pray this new guy is a decent person.

 

[SugarNoodles]

Your wife sounds worryingly irresponsible and unstable. She's already doing things that are unequivocally harmful to your kids (asking them to keep secrets from you). In case things dont go well with this new guy, I'd recommend documenting these kind of interactions with her and your kids so that there's a timeline if needed.

Counseling isnt a bad idea since it will help you navigate this situation that clearly isnt your fault.

 

[Omegasquash]

Keep putting your children first. Your ex wife, while I'm sure is a competent mother, is thinking of herself right now, and that will leave the children a little more off to the side. Be there for them, listen to them, and of course, document everything. That's not to make any assumptions about the character or ability of the step-father here, but your wife has a history of making decisions that aren't great, from the sound of things.

It might also help to seek some help from a therapist. In order for you to remain a top shelf dad, you'll need to address issues that you yourself are having about this. It's not wrong to admit that something is eating at you, and the healthiest thing you can do, often, is talk things through with a professional.

Wishing you all the best here, OP. I'd probably feel the way you feel right now, were I in your shoes.

 

[voOsh]

I think you should focus on being the best father you can be and also find yourself a new partner. You have no control over your ex or her new bf and anything you might say or do to them is likely going to end poorly. I may be reading this wrong but it sounds like you may still have some feelings for your ex. That is understandable after 10 years. But she's a cheater. You need to only focus on yourself and your kids and interact with her as little as possible. Also it's likely that her new relationship won't last in the long term. If it breaks down and she tries to reconcile with you -- do not accept.

 

[i-hate-u]

That's how the courts rule custody. Woman are viewed as the primary caregiver.

Click to shrink...

Why the hell would I pay my cheating ex-wife child support to take care of my kids instead of doing it myself?? And from the sounds of it, OP is much better suited for the task than her.

 

[Omegasquash]

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

Click to shrink...

Lots of states don't care about that as much as they care about things like financials.

 

[Deleted member 21339]

You're their dad, thats it. Stop trying to control so much. You have no control or say over your ex wife or her relationships or how her new man interacts with your kids other than to ensure he isn't doing anything harmful to them. If he is lax with disciplining them or if he is stricter with them than you would like, ITS NOT YOUR CALL. His morals and stuff are not something you get to talk to him about.

Just focus on your kids, worry about how you spend your time with them and ensuring they grow up to be good people who most importantly know that you are always there for them and they can call you anytime to talk about anything. But don't try to set rules and stuff with your ex wife and her guy, you are the ex husband and parents of her kids and thats it.

Click to shrink...

Man, learn some empathy. Out of curiosity, are you speaking from experience or do you just like to dictate to people on the internet how they should feel about things you personally have no experience with?

 

[i-hate-u]

You're their dad, thats it. Stop trying to control so much. You have no control or say over your ex wife or her relationships or how her new man interacts with your kids other than to ensure he isn't doing anything harmful to them. If he is lax with disciplining them or if he is stricter with them than you would like, ITS NOT YOUR CALL. His morals and stuff are not something you get to talk to him about.

Click to shrink...

Wow, this makes my blood boil. They're his kids man.

I am really sorry for the situation, OP.

 

[Wolfgunblood]

The most important thing is to not talk negatively about him and their mom and act normal about it around the kids. There's no good advice other than that, it's very situational. Counseling for the kids (so they have a neutral party to speak to about things) is a good option if there are issues that need to be addressed.

Hopefully the guy's not a shithead.

 

[Omegasquash]

You're their dad, thats it. Stop trying to control so much. You have no control or say over your ex wife or her relationships or how her new man interacts with your kids other than to ensure he isn't doing anything harmful to them. If he is lax with disciplining them or if he is stricter with them than you would like, ITS NOT YOUR CALL. His morals and stuff are not something you get to talk to him about.

Just focus on your kids, worry about how you spend your time with them and ensuring they grow up to be good people who most importantly know that you are always there for them and they can call you anytime to talk about anything. But don't try to set rules and stuff with your ex wife and her guy, you are the ex husband and parents of her kids and thats it.

Click to shrink...

This isn't about control, it's him wrestling with change. Dropping caps on him and telling him his boundaries is inconsiderate, rude, and lacks any empathy.

 

[Freakzilla]

That's how the courts rule custody. Woman are viewed as the primary caregiver.

Click to shrink...

My dad won custody over me. I was 12 and my sister was 18.

 

[SpecX]

Man, I'm so angry for you. It's not even funny. Wow, man. Sorry to hear this.

Click to shrink...

Yeah blew my mind too. She can't even tell me what went wrong, but I've given up on seeking that and try to keep myself happy in life and moving past those event. The younger guy though, lol I dunno what else to say. We didn't have a kid till 5 years of being together, so this shit seems lightning quick in comparison.

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?
How old are your children?

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We have equal custody, she's not a bad mom so taking away the kids wasn't a punishment I looked to put on her even though she hurt me.

 

[i-hate-u]

My dad won custody over me. I was 12 and my sister was 18.

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That's why I am hoping his kids are older. It'd be much easier to take custody away from her.

 

[Mediking]

Yeah blew my mind too. She can't even tell me what went wrong, but I've given up on seeking that and try to keep myself happy in life and moving past those event. The younger guy though, lol I dunno what else to say. We didn't have a kid till 5 years of being together, so this shit seems lightning quick in comparison.

Click to shrink...

Hmmm... I wanna say something but I can't lol

Still though... be strong, man. Its easiet said than done but be strong

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

Click to shrink...

The one doesn't have anything to do with the other. Making a shitty choice in your relationship doesn't tell you anything about who is better suited to parent/raise the children on the daily.

OP hasn't shared what factors led to the kids staying with their mother, but as others have said, courts do tend to default to the kids going to the mother in a lot of custody situations. Or at least it sure seems that way.

 

[The Albatross]

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

Click to shrink...

Many states in the US, and places in the world, have what's called "no fault divorce," where one party can dissolve a marriage as "no fault," and so when it comes to custody, "the reason" for the divorce is not part of that custody dispute:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fault_divorce

In many circumstances it makes perfect sense, especially in abusive relationships, the pattern of abuse might drive one partner away, and then the abusing partner could claim "He left and abandoned the kids" or "She left with another man!" So, I think there's a sound rationale for "no fault divorce," but when it comes to custody disputes it often means that the reason for the divorce just isn't part of the dispute.

BUt, divorce settlements and custody fights are usually really, really messy and it's tough to draw up hard and fast rules around them. As a loyal husband and good father, I agree with you. I can basically think of no more painful frustrating thing than that (and thankfully that's not happened to me), but most custody/divorce courts will look at the specifics individually and I think there is a good rationale there, even though if you think of like the worst possible situation for yourself it would feel really unfair.

 

[i-hate-u]

We have equal custody, she's not a bad mom so taking away the kids wasn't a punishment I looked to put on her even though she hurt me.

Click to shrink...

You're such a good person, but you have to ask yourself why she ask the kids are being forced to keep her dating people from you.

 

[MrNewVegas]

My dad won custody over me. I was 12 and my sister was 18.

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That's anecdotal. The numbers are heavily skewed towards the mom.

 

[Seganomics]

We have equal custody, she's not a bad mom so taking away the kids wasn't a punishment I looked to put on her even though she hurt me.

Click to shrink...

Just reading this tells me you are going to be okay, you seem to have a healthy attitude toward the whole thing. You're a good person don't let this situation change that.

 

[i-hate-u]

Many states in the US, and places in the world, have what's called "no fault divorce," where one party can dissolve a marriage as "no fault," and so when it comes to custody, "the reason" for the divorce is not part of that custody dispute:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fault_divorce

In many circumstances it makes perfect sense, especially in abusive relationships, the pattern of abuse might drive one partner away, and then the abusing partner could claim "He left and abandoned the kids" or "She left with another man!" So, I think there's a sound rationale for "no fault divorce," but when it comes to custody disputes it often means that the reason for the divorce just isn't part of the dispute.

BUt, divorce settlements and custody fights are usually really, really messy and it's tough to draw up hard and fast rules around them. As a loyal husband and good father, I agree with you. I can basically think of no more painful frustrating thing than that, but most custody/divorce courts will look at the specifics individually and I think there is a good rationale there, even though if you think of like the worst possible situation for yourself it would feel really unfair.

Click to shrink...

I don't have children, but I can't imagine how tough the situation is. If my wife cheated, I would never settle for a no fault divorce. That's a breach of contract and I fighting to get the kids.

 

[Doober]

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?
How old are your children?

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Most state courts don't care a whiff about infidelity. Assets get cleaved in half even if one party literally brought nothing to the marriage and the woman gets primary custody unless she shows up to court with a needle in her arm.

 

[Z-Beat]

Yeah blew my mind too. She can't even tell me what went wrong, but I've given up on seeking that and try to keep myself happy in life and moving past those event. The younger guy though, lol I dunno what else to say. We didn't have a kid till 5 years of being together, so this shit seems lightning quick in comparison.

Click to shrink...

I kinda have heavy doubts that a 25 year old dude few months into a relationship planned for that pregnancy if it makes you feel any better, OP. I say this as a dude turning 25 in 2 months.


I'm sorry about all this change you got forced into, OP. All I can say is that as long as you do your best to maintain a presence in your kids' lives, you shouldn't have to worry about their mom's new boyfriend replacing you. It's definitely gonna take time to adjust and I hope it works out for you and your family.

 

[i-hate-u]

Most state courts don't care a whiff about infidelity. Assets get cleaved in half even if one party literally brought nothing to the marriage and the woman gets primary custody unless she shows up to court with a needle in her arm.

Click to shrink...

That's absolutely nuts to me.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

She's a shit parent if she's bringing some dude she barely knows around her babies. And moving him in with no concern for the impact on the kids.

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?

Click to shrink...

Fucking disgusting is what it is. Children need stability.

 

[Pau]

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

Click to shrink...

Because they usually go to the primary caregiver, a role that doesn't have anything to do with whether or not someone cheated.

Why the hell would I pay my cheating ex-wife child support to take care of my kids instead of doing it myself?? And from the sounds of it, OP is much better suited for the task than her.

Click to shrink...

You can try to get primary custody, it's not automatic. The number of custody cases that actually go to court is pretty small: about 5%. Most people come to an agreement outside of the courts. Men have a good chance of getting custody of their kids in court, but they are less likely to ask for it. I've seen articles that report that they even have a better chance of getting custody over the mother when they actually ask for it. (I imagine it's due to selection bias though: men probably aren't likely to fight for custody unless they think they have a good chance of getting it.)

 

[Doober]

That's absolutely nuts to me.

Click to shrink...

Yep. So uh, pick carefully.

Very, VERY carefully.

 

[Huey]

She cheated and got the kids? What kind of bs is this?

Click to shrink...

I don't have children, but I can't imagine how tough the situation is. If my wife cheated, I would never settle for a no fault divorce. That's a breach of contract and I fighting to get the kids.

Click to shrink...

Just ultimately has nothing to do with how the courts determine custody, all about what's best for the kids. Definitely seems shitty for the person who's been wronged but I don't think a court would even hear that argument.

 

[Carthago Delenda Est]

I fully understand where you're coming from. I'd probably feel similarly without a doubt. That said, from my unbiased perspective, I'd say that it sounds like you're worried not for your kids, but for yourself. Here's a few things to consider:

1. You'll always be your kids' dad. Even if they call this other guy dad, you are their dad. They know that and they won't forget. As long as you're actively trying to be a part of their lives, and it sounds like you want to be, they'll be fine.
2. A step-dad can be confusing for kids and it can be bad, but it can also be a wonderful thing. I know some great step-dads who'd do anything for those kids. Even ones who began being a step-dad as young as 25. I am 100% confident those kids are far better of with him in their lives. If this new guy is a positive influence on your kids, that's what's important.

So what should you do? Calm down, first of all. Next, stop fueling your worry with jealousy -- I don't blame you for it and I'd feel it to, but I can tell you sitting here now that it's not the right reaction if you want what's best for your kids.

Finally, I would probably say that you want to have dinner with him, just you and him, and talk about it. See what he wants in life and how he sees himself. Introduce yourself not as "the ex" but as a fellow father who just wants the best for the kids. You don't need to be friends with him, but certainly be friendly and respectful. Talk to him about how you hope your kids can be raised and see what he thinks about that. A productive conversation in that regard will help you determine what to do next. You might feel alright about it after talking with him or you might be ready to open up a new lawsuit for custody. Either reaction might be the right one. But first you need to learn what this new guy is all about and how that's going to affect your kids. I'd keep the ex-wife out of it as your relationship sounds extremely toxic and she's not likely to let you be honest without giving her opinion.

You're their dad, thats it. Stop trying to control so much. You have no control or say over your ex wife or her relationships or how her new man interacts with your kids other than to ensure he isn't doing anything harmful to them. If he is lax with disciplining them or if he is stricter with them than you would like, ITS NOT YOUR CALL. His morals and stuff are not something you get to talk to him about.

Just focus on your kids, worry about how you spend your time with them and ensuring they grow up to be good people who most importantly know that you are always there for them and they can call you anytime to talk about anything. But don't try to set rules and stuff with your ex wife and her guy, you are the ex husband and parents of her kids and thats it.

Click to shrink...

This is bad advice. Actually, it's terrible advice. They're your kids. It absolutely is your call. You should care very deeply how he acts as a parent around them and you should say something if it's not at the standard that you expect. But make those calls based on the right information and the right emotions. And do it in the right way, of course.

 

[SpecX]

So far a lot of good suggestions on seeing a marriage counselor. I had one going through the divorce and might setup time with him to discuss this matter as well and help keep my mind healthy.

Her reasoning for having the kids keep her relationship a secret was her not knowing how I'd take it. It's funny she would think it could stay secret cause I bumped into them all at the mall one day seeing that we live int he same town, saw the guy with my kids, introduced myself so he knew who I was and that I'm a part of my kids life. She at least admitted fault for doing that and claims it won't happen again, but who knows. I've talked to my girls about it too since they're 5 and 7, a young age where they can easily be manipulated and that's not how I want them growing up.

 

[i-hate-u]

So far a lot of good suggestions on seeing a marriage counselor. I had one going through the divorce and might setup time with him to discuss this matter as well and help keep my mind healthy.

Her reasoning for having the kids keep her relationship a secret was her not knowing how I'd take it. It's funny she would think it could stay secret cause I bumped into them all at the mall one day seeing that we live int he same town, saw the guy with my kids, introduced myself so he knew who I was and that I'm a part of my kids life. She at least admitted fault for doing that and claims it won't happen again, but who knows. I've talked to my girls about it too since they're 5 and 7, a young age where they can easily be manipulated and that's not how I want them growing up.

Click to shrink...

Stay strong man, and fight to be involved as much as you can in their lives. I pray that the other guy is a good person.

 

[ironjoe]

hahahaha. Are you me? Same situation roughly. Divorced, split custody, new step dad in picture, no pregnancy, but ex is buying a house with him. I have a dinky apartment lined up, but they get their own fancy rooms with my ex wife and new step daddio. I feel diminished.

I'm not sure there is much else we can but be the best goddamn parent we can be. You can try to make friends with him, but my guess is that your ex talked a lot of shit about you when with him. I'm certain mine did. Give it a shot. You just want to be 100% chill, not jealous, not angry. Your kids will certainly pick up on any issues you have with your ex and her situation, so don't let it show. I.e. never say shit about your ex or her bf. As far as you know, they're fine, and I'm sure your kids will let you know if they're not.

 

[Rotkehle]

My stepdad entered my life when I was 13. that's now 20 years ago. Now I have two dads of different kind.

 

[Richietto]

Yo what she told the kids not to tell you? Why the fuck is she even putting them in that position??? Anyway you do you. Be the best dad you can be. That 25 year old probably doesn't give much of a real shit about your kids, especially with the one thats actually his coming soon. You're their dad, and thats what matters.

 

[sleepnaught]

I understand if the kids are super young, but you cheating means that you broke the marriage contract, and to me doesn't show signs of responsibility. How can kids not go to their father in this case?

Click to shrink...

Unless the mother is deemed unfit in some manner, she will almost always be awarded custody.

 

[i-hate-u]

Unless the mother is deemed unfit in some manner, she will almost always be awarded custody.

Click to shrink...

I just can't wrap my head around that fact that cheating does not equate un-fit in the eyes of the judges.

 

[Deleted member 19003]

Because they usually go to the primary caregiver, a role that doesn't have anything to do with whether or not someone cheated.



You can try to get primary custody, it's not automatic. The number of custody cases that actually go to court is pretty small: about 5%. Most people come to an agreement outside of the courts. Men have a good chance of getting custody of their kids in court, but they are less likely to ask for it. I've seen articles that report that they even have a better chance of getting custody over the mother when they actually ask for it. (I imagine it's due to selection bias though: men probably aren't likely to fight for custody unless they think they have a good chance of getting it.)

Click to shrink...

This. It ends up with women generally receiving custody because mostly women are the primary care givers and many men don't seek it. I have also read that same thing about men having equal or better chances at custody claims if they ever challenge for it. Cheating complaints aren't normally going to have weight in custody hearings either. It will come down to financials and who is there actually doing the care taking majority of the time.

 

[Hokahey]

That's how the courts rule custody. Woman are viewed as the primary caregiver.

Click to shrink...

This is complete horse shit. I have almost full custody of my son.

Gender has no bearing on custody.

 

[Hokahey]

Most state courts don't care a whiff about infidelity. Assets get cleaved in half even if one party literally brought nothing to the marriage and the woman gets primary custody unless she shows up to court with a needle in her arm.

Click to shrink...

More bullshit. Gender plays no role.

 

[SavoyPrime]

The first thing that should be a priority is; your relationship with your kids should not change. The stepdad is an addition in everyone's life, but you are still their father. That will not change. You don't have to be friends with the guy. As long as you two are cordial to each other, then it should be fine. You can get through this. This is the unfortunate situation that happens when you have a family and things don't work out. But it's not the end-all that your brain will make you think it is when you try to get sleep at night. I've been there, it will be ok. Just make sure that you communicate to your kids that nothing has or will change when it comes to you. You are still their father. Be there for them and listen to them.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Never had step kids, but I've been a step kid twice. Both times I made their lives as miserable as I could.