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Coping with Erectile Disfunction and other Sexual Disorders
- Thread starter Megalosaro
- Start date
I went through this after being in an LTR.
Its stress and performance anxiety.
I got out of an LTR and had an old HS girlfriend hit me up on Facebook. She was chubby, had kids etc.. I banged her silly cause I gave zero fucks. I was 'above' her in my head and I felt like she was the lucky I was even sleeping with her.
The next month I start dating a model and my dick stays hard in my pants or during oral sex but the minute before sex it goes limp..
My heads thinking "Will I be good enough?" "Does she think I'm small?" "I wonder if shes had better/bigger?" etc..
When in reality you should be thinking "I am a sex god and I'm about to slay your vagina with my massive dong!!"
Its all about confidence.
I recommend a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
Excerpt:
"Nice Guys have issues with sexuality. Though most Nice Guys deny having problems with sex, I have yet to meet one who isn't either dissatisfied with his sex life, has a sexual dysfunction (can't get or
maintain an erection, climaxes too quickly), or has sexually acted out (through affairs, prostitution, pornography, compulsive masturbation, etc.)."
You would be amazed at the growing number of men suffering from ED and low testosterone due to the stigma of "masculinity".
You think 100 years ago 30ish year old men couldnt get a boner?
They had some red meat for dinner, worked like dogs, and gave zero fucks what a woman wanted or thought.
Now we are a breed of pudgy men jacking off and seeing 10 inch dicks, drinking soy lattes, playing Call of Duty, debating Star Wars movies and reading Buzzfeed articles on how you need to go down on your girlfriend for 45min.
Do some compound lifts every other day, dont eat processed food, take L-Arginine/Zinc/Maca/Tribulus supplements (focus on T boosting/libido/blood flow)
and just be confident. Think "Im a man, my cock is amazing, I'm about to destroy this vage, and give zero fucks."
Realize a woman is hardly ever into you for your looks or sex. Most relationships with bad sex are usually the man leaving/cheating, women stick around through bad sex cause you have a good job, make them laugh etc.. They usually expect bad sex lol Most guys..are TERRIBLE in bed. Almost every woman Ive ever talked to expects sex at the start with a man to be awkward, quick, unfulfilled for them. Most of them go on for YEARS in a relationship and never having an orgasm. Get confident and once you over come your sexual issues start trying to improve your sexual abilities with her.
Also, remember..Your job is choreographing the sex and hers is to say yes or no. No woman wants to hear "Um..yeah..um..so..um..can I, ya know, um..have you..um..flip ah..over?"
Even if you dont make them cum or dont last long most enjoy a guy who flips them, tosses them around, goes for the finger in the butt with out a 3 page written consent form. They say no, dont, stop, then you dont..till then be the star slash director of your own movie.
Plus..(and some will say not to do this, but Ive had 100% success rate)
You can go online and buy cheap/weak Viagra from India..
I paid about $200 for 500 "weak" (they say 100mg but are like 25mg) Viagra from India.
If I'm drinking or stressed...if my girlfriend is playing grab ass and I know shes gonna want sex after I worked a 16 hour day..
I just pop 2 of them and 60min later you have a boner that is BEGGING you to use it.
Its stress and performance anxiety.
I got out of an LTR and had an old HS girlfriend hit me up on Facebook. She was chubby, had kids etc.. I banged her silly cause I gave zero fucks. I was 'above' her in my head and I felt like she was the lucky I was even sleeping with her.
The next month I start dating a model and my dick stays hard in my pants or during oral sex but the minute before sex it goes limp..
My heads thinking "Will I be good enough?" "Does she think I'm small?" "I wonder if shes had better/bigger?" etc..
When in reality you should be thinking "I am a sex god and I'm about to slay your vagina with my massive dong!!"
Its all about confidence.
I recommend a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
Excerpt:
"Nice Guys have issues with sexuality. Though most Nice Guys deny having problems with sex, I have yet to meet one who isn't either dissatisfied with his sex life, has a sexual dysfunction (can't get or
maintain an erection, climaxes too quickly), or has sexually acted out (through affairs, prostitution, pornography, compulsive masturbation, etc.)."
You would be amazed at the growing number of men suffering from ED and low testosterone due to the stigma of "masculinity".
You think 100 years ago 30ish year old men couldnt get a boner?
They had some red meat for dinner, worked like dogs, and gave zero fucks what a woman wanted or thought.
Now we are a breed of pudgy men jacking off and seeing 10 inch dicks, drinking soy lattes, playing Call of Duty, debating Star Wars movies and reading Buzzfeed articles on how you need to go down on your girlfriend for 45min.
Do some compound lifts every other day, dont eat processed food, take L-Arginine/Zinc/Maca/Tribulus supplements (focus on T boosting/libido/blood flow)
and just be confident. Think "Im a man, my cock is amazing, I'm about to destroy this vage, and give zero fucks."
Realize a woman is hardly ever into you for your looks or sex. Most relationships with bad sex are usually the man leaving/cheating, women stick around through bad sex cause you have a good job, make them laugh etc.. They usually expect bad sex lol Most guys..are TERRIBLE in bed. Almost every woman Ive ever talked to expects sex at the start with a man to be awkward, quick, unfulfilled for them. Most of them go on for YEARS in a relationship and never having an orgasm. Get confident and once you over come your sexual issues start trying to improve your sexual abilities with her.
Also, remember..Your job is choreographing the sex and hers is to say yes or no. No woman wants to hear "Um..yeah..um..so..um..can I, ya know, um..have you..um..flip ah..over?"
Even if you dont make them cum or dont last long most enjoy a guy who flips them, tosses them around, goes for the finger in the butt with out a 3 page written consent form. They say no, dont, stop, then you dont..till then be the star slash director of your own movie.
Plus..(and some will say not to do this, but Ive had 100% success rate)
You can go online and buy cheap/weak Viagra from India..
I paid about $200 for 500 "weak" (they say 100mg but are like 25mg) Viagra from India.
If I'm drinking or stressed...if my girlfriend is playing grab ass and I know shes gonna want sex after I worked a 16 hour day..
I just pop 2 of them and 60min later you have a boner that is BEGGING you to use it.
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Those first times your dong was touched. Was that consensual? Am I reading something between the lines?
I can't even begin to unpack all of this. But I think you need to take step back and think about how you look at women and people in general.
Jesus christ.
Holy hell.
This is not the place to ask, majority of posters dont have regular sex or never have at all.
Asking Era/GAF for sex advice is like asking Donald Trump for foreign relations advice.
Look at Lateralus post above. That alone should proof that the majority of Era members haven't a fucking clue about sex or women.
This is not the place to ask, majority of posters dont have regular sex or never have at all.
Asking Era/GAF for sex advice is like asking Donald Trump for foreign relations advice.
Look at Lateralus post above. That alone should proof that the majority of Era members haven't a fucking clue about sex or women.
Im not sure if Im getting that, but the stereotypical image of masculinity is supposed to be bad, then you go on and reinforce the ideas of an "Alpha male" ?!
Again, with those hot generalisations. Plenty of Era have rad sex lives, I'm sure. We're just...people.
Might want to look at your diet. I remember you were eating a very low calorie diet from your posts on NeoGAF. That's is not good for sexual performance at all.
But go to a doctor and have them do a thorough check up. They should definitely ask about your eating and sleeping habits.
But go to a doctor and have them do a thorough check up. They should definitely ask about your eating and sleeping habits.
Breh. What? I'm a year younger than that and I've been masturbating for 10 years.
You've at least had sex though
User banned (1 week, duration pending) for a series of extremely misogynistic posts.
If I had written this all as a Cosmo article and made it about reversed the sexes...it would be fine.
Its why dating books are written by women mostly and both focus on "Catering to women" or "Making her the Prize"
If you discuss anything in a Pro-Masculine way and try to help men be better sexually or obtain sex its labeled "Misogynistic".
Its like a dirty word to tell men to reclaim theyre male sexual side, to be hunters again.
The truth is a dirty word when focused on making better, more masculine, sexually dominant..
So you have legions of out of shape men not sexually capable, not sexually fulfilling to women, and stuck in bad sex situations cause they are more worried about pleasuring their partner then getting the sex they want.
Guys will spend 40min going down on a girl, using toys etc.. but be to weak to wamt the same back.
They have scarcity mentality..they think "Oh no! I better worry about her more then myself or what I want cause who knows when and if I'll get another girl to sleep with me!"
Face it...theirs a lot of soft men who would want nothing more then to get that sloppy gagging deep throat BJ like they see in porn..but they are scared to make it happen but will bury there face in their wifes/gf's vage for 40 min.
Trust me... theres a boat load of guys who are "givers" whos wifes/gf are gonna ask for a separation/break cause even tho you went out and bought that Hitachi she wants to go out and get 10min of gorrila sex from some dude who gives zero fucks if she cums but wants to feel dominated/used..
As others have said, it might be best to see a therapist about this.
If you don't work out; start. Run, lift, do HIIT workouts, whatever. A regular workout routine will make you more confident AND lower your stress levels.
If you don't give her oral, start. Contrary to popular belief, it does NOT take an hour to bring a woman to orgasm from cunnilingus (not usually, anyway). Read some books on the subject. I haven't read this one, but it's hugely popular: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060538260/?tag=era0f0-20
Also OP, don't listen to any of this.....at all.
If you don't work out; start. Run, lift, do HIIT workouts, whatever. A regular workout routine will make you more confident AND lower your stress levels.
If you don't give her oral, start. Contrary to popular belief, it does NOT take an hour to bring a woman to orgasm from cunnilingus (not usually, anyway). Read some books on the subject. I haven't read this one, but it's hugely popular: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060538260/?tag=era0f0-20
Also OP, don't listen to any of this.....at all.
Dude Ive read the sex topics on NeoGAF for years. Of course theres members with normal healthy sex lives. But theres a ls a high amount of people who clearly dont.
Im not trying to shit on anyone, just trying to make it clear a games forum is not the place to ask this kind of advice.
I find that those who make snide comments about other people apparently having no sex live or cracking 'lol virgin' jokes are the real ones not getting any. Projection is an ugly son of a botch.
User banned 24H: Aggressive Drive-By Insults
You're gay, op.
In all honesty op, what the fuck are you doing posting about it here. Go talk to someone who actually knows what they're talking about not nerds on the Internet.
In all honesty op, what the fuck are you doing posting about it here. Go talk to someone who actually knows what they're talking about not nerds on the Internet.
The more you think about it the more stressed you get and the more stressed you get the less likely to get hard you'l become.
Short story, stress is a major contributor
Short story, stress is a major contributor
I'll give a serious answer. I delt with something like this a few years ago because I was addicted to porn. They call it porn induced erectile dysfunction/death grip syndrome. Sounds silly as hell, but it's real. I stopped watching porn and fapping daily (sometimes multiple times a day) and now I'm fine.
It's not something I'm ashamed to talk about. I think it's a problem that more young men will encounter do to the availability of internet porn. So stay away from that and stopped stressing. Both of those things will make it easier.
It's not something I'm ashamed to talk about. I think it's a problem that more young men will encounter do to the availability of internet porn. So stay away from that and stopped stressing. Both of those things will make it easier.
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lmao you guys missed all of the sex threads on gaf? this is a HORRIBLE place to ask for sex advice, between people that don't know better, people joking, and people making fun.
As a girl once told me..
"If all I wanted was to get my pussy eaten, Id go lesbian"
So, keep telling this guy to keep eating pussy and not worrying about the real problem...his lack of confidence about his sexual ability.
Hes gonna be going down on her so much shes gonna hop on the first 10min of dick that bangs her sideways and gives zero fucks if she cums lol
Not a dossier. I used to talk to him on GAF about his eating habits. It's not like I brought it up randomly. Mega is nice guy but he needs more help beyond a message board. Seems like it's all a big pattern.
Well, your anecdote about one person proves nothing. Being able to please a woman orally is a good thing no matter what. You like getting blowjobs, even though you could still have sex? Those gagging blowjobs you mentioned? Yeah? Well, a lot of women like a bit of oral from their partner to go along with regular intercourse, as well. It's a good skill to have. I think you need to do some growing up.
Nah. Having a workable memory is not a dossier, bro lol. Nice try, though.
Only trying to share my tips/tricks.
I dabble in the swinging community (mostly we just like to be watched)
And before that was heavy into the BDSM community.
Admittedly, I do have sexual addiction issues. Not porn tho, just a penchant for random encounters over the years. Going to bars or using online means I've kinda perfected an art to end a night with meaningless sex.
And I'm up front and open talking sexually with women. So, at the same time I take what they have told me an apply it.
It works..I dont suggest it if your "looking for love!"
When it comes to attraction he's not wrong in some cases
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This thread is...amazing, and scary.
Sounds like the OP started having sex later in life and is awkward around women. It happens to the best of us. Your first mistake is caring about her feelings. Seriously don't give a fuck if you please her because 9 times out of 10 you wont.
Dont dwell on all the other stuff, just go out there and try to have a good game. If you only last a minute take a few minutes to recover and dive back in. The biggest thing is you have to let your partner know you have some issues, if she really likes you she will understand and work with you.
Sounds like the OP started having sex later in life and is awkward around women. It happens to the best of us. Your first mistake is caring about her feelings. Seriously don't give a fuck if you please her because 9 times out of 10 you wont.
Dont dwell on all the other stuff, just go out there and try to have a good game. If you only last a minute take a few minutes to recover and dive back in. The biggest thing is you have to let your partner know you have some issues, if she really likes you she will understand and work with you.
Honestly it just sounds like performance anxiety. You mentally block yourself and overthink when you're in bed with a woman because of all the pressure.
All of your sexual experiences with women, at age 30, have been underwhelming, relationships have ended, etc. So now you're acutely insecure over this and rather than being in the moment you're thinking too much, since you don't have the confidence of past sessions where you were able to please the woman.
Tell your GF the full truth and keep trying.
All of your sexual experiences with women, at age 30, have been underwhelming, relationships have ended, etc. So now you're acutely insecure over this and rather than being in the moment you're thinking too much, since you don't have the confidence of past sessions where you were able to please the woman.
Tell your GF the full truth and keep trying.
Between this and the unprotected sex thread, let's just say I'm glad I'm gay, some replies wow.
OP I'd say if this is stress related it should be something you can work on with a therapist and your girlfriend.
I would agree with people in here saying there's no reason you can't please her in other ways (might even get you used to sex and make you less stressed out about it) but that's just my lesbian opinion.
OP I'd say if this is stress related it should be something you can work on with a therapist and your girlfriend.
I would agree with people in here saying there's no reason you can't please her in other ways (might even get you used to sex and make you less stressed out about it) but that's just my lesbian opinion.
Yeah, yeah. Mega is the dude from the west coast yet loves New England; works in shipping but is disillusioned etc. So if you're intent on ruining our exchange now I have a dossier too, k?
How is it that all we did was change bookmarks yet almost everyone got a stick up their ass in the exchange? Goddamn Creamium.
Bro, I was joshing with you lol. Shit talking. I guess it's hard to tell online. The "lols" are the tells for future exchanges :)
Sounds more like performance anxiety than true ED. If you can get yourself hard from watching porn, the problem is in your head rather than your dick.
I agree with people advising you to get good at oral and trying out some kinks. Most women that I've encountered prefer some other form of sexual interaction to penetration, most often oral, fingering or a form of S&M.
Talk about it. Say that basic penetration just isn't your thing, then get adventurous. The days of "default" sex being the only option are long gone.
I agree with people advising you to get good at oral and trying out some kinks. Most women that I've encountered prefer some other form of sexual interaction to penetration, most often oral, fingering or a form of S&M.
Talk about it. Say that basic penetration just isn't your thing, then get adventurous. The days of "default" sex being the only option are long gone.
I feel that these points are pretty solid, Mega. I do know that you're trying different things and actually taking initiative in trying to improve things, so I commend you man.
Hooky, stop posting while high lol
Lateralus, you need to seriously reconsider some of your views, particularly the glorification of men who "didn't give a shit what their woman wanted" and "women want you for your good job", implying that it's fine to penetrate someone's butt without their initial consent and other toxic opinions. Not cool, bro.
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Lateralus, as a Tool album, is an insanely good record.
Lateralus, as an ERA poster, is an insanely mysoginistic person who OP should not listen to AT ALL.
Tbh I have the opposite problem OP. I have to jerk it before date night w the gf sometimes if I wanna last a while, I don't really know why. I didn't start masturbating until I was like 17 because I was taught I'd burn in hell for all eternity if I touched my peepee so I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I feel for you though, a lot of posters in here are giving good advice and I hope you can figure out what works for you.
I seriously have to wonder how these guys even ended up here lol. Like I think the overlap between our demographic and 4chan has got to be pretty low.
OP
OP
The diets better, but could be better still. No longer that deficit. Plus I'm taking supplements now. Zinc + men's one a day.
OP
OP
I would say I've had a pretty sex-negative life. I was hoping to correct it with this relationship, but the cycle continues.
All contact has been consensual though.
Not gonna lie. All of that one dude's post did strike an insecurity
I think it's mostly performance anxiety, especially with a first serious relationship. You should concentrate on communication with your gf and stop worrying to much, try to please her with other technique and eventually the boner will return. Once you get past that mental hump everything will be easy. I used to have performance anxiety every time I get with a new gf, usually take me a few weeks to get comfortable
Work Out. Seriously. Unless you have some serious ED medical issues.
Work out and have sex. Sex is all about confidence. If you think you're going to bang the crap out of her, you will. If you're hesitant, good luck getting it up.
Stress and fear of not getting up = limp dick
Work out and have sex. Sex is all about confidence. If you think you're going to bang the crap out of her, you will. If you're hesitant, good luck getting it up.
Stress and fear of not getting up = limp dick
There should be a dating site for dudes with ED. Seems like a missed opportunity. Girls would work as sort of sex therapists, get a cut of the subscription fees or something. There are worse ways to make money than fiddling with a floppy ding dong.
Turn off all the lights and let a friend sneak in and take your place doing the dirty deed on your girl.
Or maybe take your doc's advice and try to relieve stress in your life. I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
Or maybe take your doc's advice and try to relieve stress in your life. I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
I don't think I need to read more about that. It might have been consensual, but something was wrong, from the way you talk about it. Honestly, just talk with a therapist, can't hurt. From what I'm reading, the problem is more mundane that you think, you just need to "see" it. Once you recognize the origin of the problem, hopefully everything will be resolved. Maybe a therapist is the most obvious, yet more effective, solution. It may even need just like a month of therapy. Don't see it as a jail sentence.
There are many factors that affect erection. How many time do you jack off a day? That's pretty important because the more the softer is your boner over time if you don't give it a rest. Another thing is that people who are used to be touched by their own hands will have problems when other people touch their dick. It's not as arousing to your brain because it was wired to get off in a certain a way. I notice that my erection improves significantly if I stopped jacking off for 4 days