OP
OP
Not trying to do that at all. Just expressing guilt. I'm emotional, fuck
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Cheated on the one I love, got caught in the act. Hurting someone you love is .. painful.
- Thread starter Tux_
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Pretty much this. You were in too much of an "in-between" spot where boundaries weren't clear and it fucked you up.
Correction: You need to have self control IF the person you want to marry wants sex to be exclusively between you and them.
Your relationship with her didn't sound compatible with marriage, but congrats on breaking someone's heart. Learn from this.
Yea, and OP made it pretty clear this was that situation, which is overwhelmingly the norm.
Maybe you just need someone who's on the same level as you sexually at this point in your life? Mismatch in sex drives is always a recipe for disaster. Just accept who you are at the moment and look for someone who is actually compatible with that.
You'll probably change naturally over time but it's not necessarily a good thing to try to force it right now if you're not in that place.
You'll probably change naturally over time but it's not necessarily a good thing to try to force it right now if you're not in that place.
Close enough :p I mean come on dude. He even had a quasi relationship going on so he could have been having a great time with her. Instead he went full degenerate.
Have you guys never been in the grey area with someone before? There were no "rules" and he didn't intentionally hurt her. Wasn't planning on having her see him hooking up with someone else
He's not an asshole.... Just lacks self control when it comes to sex
Tux_ I'm not gonna pile on since every one else is already doing it, but I can say that I've been in a similar position as you and so I can kind of relate. The feeling of being walked in is a combination of awkward embarrassment and shame that is just hard to explain or even cope with.
Anyway the point is, getting caught sucks. It's such a unique feeling, almost impossible to describe. Nothing else in my life that I can remember felt quite like that. So in that sense I feel bad for you OP. For cheating I'm less sympathetic, but not gonna call you a POS or anything. Some people act like they are saints in here and they've never done anything wrong.
I'll probably get shit on by era too and possibly deservedly so (though I disagree), but I'll spoiler it here just to not take too much attention hopefully from you Tux.
For me I had a fwb relationship with a girl in another city, that I would hook up with on business trips. I didn't have a gf and she was potentially a gf, as in we had talked about it potentially happening if we lived in same city someday. At this time I had quite a few fwb relationships in various cities because I was always on business trips so it was good to have company when I was traveling. My lifestyle wasn't suited for a gf.
Anyway she eventually moved to my city, not for me explicitly but it was clear that that was one of her reasons. She stayed with me a few days while she was looking for her own apartment to move in to, so I gave her a key to the place. I went on a business trip and let her stay at my place while I was gone even. Things were good but we were still clearly not an item and that was very clear to her. She didn't want to know about other girls I was hooking up with, but she knew I had others. Long story short I came back from my business trip and she had found an apartment to move in, but still had to return my key. I had another girl that I liked to hook up with in my town and she came over for some fun the day I returned. I told the first girl, the one with the key that I was busy, and I'd see her to get the key another time. I put my phone away and got to banging... little did I know that the girl messaged me and said "oh i'm in your neighborhood I'll just come drop off the key at your place since I'm here."
Bad idea. Mid coitus I hear my front door opening... we hide under the sheets but lol of course that isn't gonna work. Especially cuz there were my shoes and the girls shoes right there inside the front door (we aren't animals, we wear slippers inside).
There was no confrontation. The girl just walked into the bedroom. Said something like "I know you are under there," and I crawled out and said "sorry".
I realize I shouldn't have lied to her about being busy or whatever, but I don't think I was wrong for much else in the situation. I'm sure I'm scum according to Era though lol.
For me I had a fwb relationship with a girl in another city, that I would hook up with on business trips. I didn't have a gf and she was potentially a gf, as in we had talked about it potentially happening if we lived in same city someday. At this time I had quite a few fwb relationships in various cities because I was always on business trips so it was good to have company when I was traveling. My lifestyle wasn't suited for a gf.
Anyway she eventually moved to my city, not for me explicitly but it was clear that that was one of her reasons. She stayed with me a few days while she was looking for her own apartment to move in to, so I gave her a key to the place. I went on a business trip and let her stay at my place while I was gone even. Things were good but we were still clearly not an item and that was very clear to her. She didn't want to know about other girls I was hooking up with, but she knew I had others. Long story short I came back from my business trip and she had found an apartment to move in, but still had to return my key. I had another girl that I liked to hook up with in my town and she came over for some fun the day I returned. I told the first girl, the one with the key that I was busy, and I'd see her to get the key another time. I put my phone away and got to banging... little did I know that the girl messaged me and said "oh i'm in your neighborhood I'll just come drop off the key at your place since I'm here."
Bad idea. Mid coitus I hear my front door opening... we hide under the sheets but lol of course that isn't gonna work. Especially cuz there were my shoes and the girls shoes right there inside the front door (we aren't animals, we wear slippers inside).
There was no confrontation. The girl just walked into the bedroom. Said something like "I know you are under there," and I crawled out and said "sorry".
I realize I shouldn't have lied to her about being busy or whatever, but I don't think I was wrong for much else in the situation. I'm sure I'm scum according to Era though lol.
Anyway the point is, getting caught sucks. It's such a unique feeling, almost impossible to describe. Nothing else in my life that I can remember felt quite like that. So in that sense I feel bad for you OP. For cheating I'm less sympathetic, but not gonna call you a POS or anything. Some people act like they are saints in here and they've never done anything wrong.
User Banned (3 Days): Sexist Commentary
It sucks but its going to keep happening if you keep thinking with your dick...
Either fuck so many hoes that you get it out of your system and then tryhard with your girl, or just dont try at all...not worth the pain you cause to both her and yourself....(or just rub one out when youre horny)...
Hopefully you learnt your lesson..?
Either fuck so many hoes that you get it out of your system and then tryhard with your girl, or just dont try at all...not worth the pain you cause to both her and yourself....(or just rub one out when youre horny)...
Hopefully you learnt your lesson..?
don't beat yourself up over it bro. work on your flaws before trying to salvage that relationship
He would only NOT be an asshole, just socially challenged, if he was honest with her that he was having an old lady friend over for sex. He lied to her and said that he was going to the movies with his brother-in-law, seemingly because he knew she wouldn't like it and that it would hurt her feelings.
Actually, me neither but then you shouldn't be in a relationship or get married. Unless it's an open relationship/marriage of course where both parties are cool with it.
The huge, huge majority here haven't cheated...and that goes beyond "making a mistake" to most people. Especially cheating multiple times. There's a difference between getting in an accident or being late on a bill to cheating.
Maybe I missed it but didn't he cheat once? The other times they were on a break.
Even still, yea I get that it's fucked up and he doesn't deserve much or any sympathy for his plight, but people acting holier than thou because they haven't done "x thing wrong" while almost assuredly they've done y and z things wrong before is kind of stupid imo.
The best he can do is learn and grow and change. And while shaming him can def help, there are also probably constructive ways to help too.
Yep. No idea what this "hey don't bash op" is all about. It's right, and it's probably the most helpful thing he'll get from this thread apart from advice on seeking therapy if his sexual addiction is actually an addiction and not douchebaggery.
The sympathy/empathy should be on the girl.
I am going to be blunt here, you don't love her.
If you truely lived her you wouldn't think about sex as much. Not as much to make you cheat that is. A fap or two would have helped you when you get horny. She deserves better so let her be.
If you truely lived her you wouldn't think about sex as much. Not as much to make you cheat that is. A fap or two would have helped you when you get horny. She deserves better so let her be.
Maybe one day you'll learn not to think with your dick OP :P
Some people can do it some people cant
Do what is god for you as an individual
Too broad of a statement.
Some people can do it some people cant
Do what is god for you as an individual
You ain't a bad guy, like some here would like you to believe. You just fucked up. Give it some time, try to salvage it. If she ain't having it then it's time to move on
They weren't together and seeing other people... It might be a darker shade but it's still the grey area. He fucked up by lying to her.. But I don't know if i'm gonna call him a shit who deserves to be miserable lol
Cheating isn't just "x thing wrong though". It's not a car accident or even like stealing a bottle of coke or something. You can potentially ruin lives by cheating.
Yeah I don't get this story at all.
You dated once, you bang sometimes now, she's seeing other people while you fuck hookers, but you're going to marry and were meant to be together?
Nah, bro. Not buying any of this. You're telling yourself a story that doesn't reflect reality.
This shit is stupid.
It sounds like you're trying to give yourself an out by describing your on and off relationship and how you both knew you had to "work on some things" implying she knew you were trouble.
Bottom line is: if you guys were working toward something, you should have respected that and stopped seeing other women, paid or not.
But hindsight is 20/20.
Do whatever you want, but leave her alone.
Bottom line is: if you guys were working toward something, you should have respected that and stopped seeing other women, paid or not.
But hindsight is 20/20.
Do whatever you want, but leave her alone.
I think that people who truly love each other and have an otherwise healthy relationship should be willing to forgive infrequent infidelity. That's the only realistic way to stay with someone forever.
OP, you should just leave her alone, and learn from this. Relationships need trust as a foundation, and now that it's gone, it's just not coming back, ever.
No read my posts in this thread.
I'm just tired of the horrible comments towards him like every one of you is perfect.
How is saying "cheating isn't that bad, it's just a mistake" acceptable?
Just take most of the advice and block out the insults. As long as you get the advice and take it to heart and become a better person then all that stuff doesn't matter. You can still change from this so work on changing.
And no you're not a POS for this, you've got issues and need to improve. Actually if I were you I'd ask a mod to lock this thread because you've got enough advice from people.
Idk, this thread's lame not due to the OP but people attacking him. OP knows he messed up, knows he's got issues, knows he needs to improve but people still feel the need to attack dude. That's more childish than OP.
People on this forum are something else.
Same. OP probably realizes he fucked up, no need to be EXCESSIVELY rude.
Who said that ?
The therapy sessions he mentioned are a better way to improve.
No one has said cheat isn't bad. Cheating IS bad.
Basically my thoughts, I haven't been here for long but I've noticed a lot of vindictive bloodthirstiness in a lot of discussions that makes me a little sad. Cheating is bad. No one is saying it isn't. It's cruel, extremely selfish and potentially permanently mentally damaging. But if we wished eternal misery on every person that's ever cheated or broke someone's heart the world would be fucked. OP fucked up, OP knows he fucked up, OP isn't trying to excuse his way out of the situation nor from what I could see elicit sympathy. OP wanted advice, he got some that I hope he will take to heart. Attacking him won't fix a fucking thing, it won't make OP a better person and it won't make society better as a whole, it's just petty vengeance to give yourself a justice boner while you tear someone down.
Sex addiction is often just a catch-all excuse for what is really just selfishness. Think on that.
Most people here aren't wishing that, but don't want OP to ever go near that girl again, or any until he matures and gets a lot of help. A looooot.
Making a mistake inherently means you've done something wrong, this seems like semantics.
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