Busting Male Rape Myths: Why Male Rape is de-emphasized, underreported, and ignored.

[Lakeside]

When I think back about this event, I feel ashamed I was part of the crowd uncomfortably watching and laughing as this guy was being sexually assaulted until it escalated into a possibly fatal situation, and only then recognized how serious this was. I'm glad I did eventually act but I feel like I waited too long, and then there was everyone else that didn't treat it seriously until the next possible victim wasn't male?

I think even after I told this story to others, especially other guys, they'd sketpically or mockingly question why the guy just didn't overpower this woman and get out of the situation himself. People can be really unempathetic or myopic.

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A bit of caution is warranted in these situations. It was a different scenario but a fellow bystander and I watched a dude try to steal a woman's purse at a local mall. She wasn't having any of it and he was getting angered. The other bystander and I were basically in shock like you mentioned, but we finally glanced at each other and sorta nodded that we'd do something. As we approached them the thief pulled a gun on us. You just never know.. it could be a gun, knife, whatever. Not to mention someone on drugs or desperation will do things that you won't. Even getting a bite taken out of your face by a crazy person would be enough to instill some regret.

 

[Jasup]

Definitely not a FTFY edit I made to your post, rather it's how I think THE ENTIRE REST OF DECENCY VALUING HUMANITY should read it.

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Ah, that was not what I meant by that comment. Sorry about that.
I meant it as a comment on the situation I described. Because the fucked up thing is that it was little teasing among friends at first I suppose. It was only after it was clearly gotten out of hand that others started realizing that it was not.

 

[Darkspellmaster]

First off, thank you OP for creating this thread. Damn, and for all the victims I hear you believe you. Makes me think of all the rom coms where a guy gets assaulted by a girl on screen and its played for laughs.

If I may share a story, I didn't realize until later how traumatic the events were for my student's brother. So my student's younger brother who was 14 at the time had gone to a party for his soccer team and at the party was the varsity teams for boys and girls. When he was asked to get drinks in the basement one of the senior female players had followed him and ended up pinning him in a corner and, well giving him a bj.

He left soon after and when he apparently told the host of the party the kid wanted to high five about it. My students was telling me that his brother was having panic attacks and Asked me where he could go for help for his little brother. Keep in mind my student is in college.

So I'm wondering now if this could be seen as statutory rape as well.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I never realized that the incidence rates were so similar between genders. I mean, I knew that male victims were more likely to not report anything, but I didn't know that the actual percentages were so similar. Crazy. Glad I learned something.
Excellent OP.

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If there is any one takeaway I want people to have from this thread, it's that the rates are similar. When people are told 'men are rarely raped' it causes victims to shut down, stay silent, or deny their experiences. I don't think anyone can genuinely look at the rates of rape being reported by men, then look at all the studies showing men are far less likely to report than women (who are already unlikely to report) and come to the conclusion that male rape or abuse is rare. It isn't.

I think that laying this all at the feet of toxic masculinity is a disservice, it is much more complicated than that. Feminism also plays a big role. Just look at the guy in this thread who was date raped while drunk and then had to qualify that he wasn't trying to equate the impact to what a women who was date raped in the exact same time way would feel. That isn't toxic masculinity, that's a fear of equating a man's experience of sexual assault with a women's, which the current feminist view on sexual assault considers unacceptable.

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This has nothing to do with feminism. Modern intersectional feminism has attempted to tackle this issue, and the tenets of intersectional feminism in no way contribute to this problem; rather, they seek to prevent sexual abuse and assault of all kinds.

Are their older feminists who have regressive views on this topic? Sure, but those are the typically same group that hate trans people. Feminism has moved forward, and just because some people's views haven't evolved with the movement doesn't mean feminism is responsible. It's not, intersectional feminism is part of the solution.

Rape admittance of both men and women is so fucking hard to solve because the law will never be good enough to help all victims. victims will always see other victims fail at justice and decide to never try. Its all a fucking bummer.

Thanks for this thread.

The biggest take away i have from this and all my research on female rape victims. It happens exponentially more than we think, and it will never get better until consent is taught at a young age.

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Yes I think that would absolutely help, it may not eliminate some forms of predation but it would help reduce intimate partner violence or date rape fairly significantly.

 

[Sozzled_Bucket]

I technically got raped on one occasion, maybe two but I wasn't entirely blacked out. Doesn't bother me honestly.

I've always wondered... what if the woman that I felt violated me was also blacked out? Would she still be committing a crime?

 

[Omegasquash]

Ah, that was not what I meant by that comment. Sorry about that.
I meant it as a comment on the situation I described. Because the fucked up thing is that it was little teasing among friends at first I suppose. It was only after it was clearly gotten out of hand that others started realizing that it was not.

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Ah, no, nothing to apologize for!

My take on it was that, like, a quick joke would be something I'd expect, but the touching, at all, is super inappropriate in a best-case scenario.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I technically got raped on one occasion, maybe two but I wasn't entirely blacked out. Doesn't bother me honestly.

I've always wondered... what if the woman that I felt violated me was also blacked out? Would she still be committing a crime?

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That's a really tough question. If both parties are so drunk that they are unable to consent, then the way I see it is you have a situation with two victims and no perpetrator. As far as the legal situation, the option is either to prosecute both parties or prosecute no one. I think the right answer, in that case, is to prosecute no one. Both people have every right to feel violated, but at the same time have unintentionally violated someone else and have to deal with that as well.

Another similar situation would be people who suffer from a form of sleepwalking referred to as sexsomnia, where they will make sexual advances on their partner in their sleep. If some sexual acts do occur while both parties are asleep, then neither party was able to consent.

If we accept that having only one paradigm of assault is flawed, then we should also accept that other paradigms exist. That includes a paradigm in which there are two victims and no perpetrator.

 

[Chairmanchuck (另一个我)]

I havent been sexually assaulted "heavily", no rape, but while I worked in China two of my female colleagues touched my hair and my ass and it made me feel uncomfortable, because I had a gf who is now my wife. Everyone I talked to about that were mostly just laughing about it and said it is "not a big deal".

 

[TyraZaurus]

I'm assuming the grooming had a sexual component to it? If so then that is absolutely sexual abuse, it's called non-contact sexual abuse. It's the same way I was abused. If an adult was using you for sexual gratification while you were a minor, even if they never physically touched you but instead it was through messages, pictures, video, etc. online, that is also abuse.

I mean non-contact sexual abuse is an entirely new phenomenon since it basically arose during the early to mid 2000's when internet access became common for children. The OP doesn't address it specifically, but it's a massive source of abuse now. I wouldn't be shocked if non-contact sexual abuse of minors eventually overtakes physical abuse as the most common form of child abuse, if it hasn't already.

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Yes, it did have that component.

 

[Prax]

A bit of caution is warranted in these situations. It was a different scenario but a fellow bystander and I watched a dude try to steal a woman's purse at a local mall. She wasn't having any of it and he was getting angered. The other bystander and I were basically in shock like you mentioned, but we finally glanced at each other and sorta nodded that we'd do something. As we approached them the thief pulled a gun on us. You just never know.. it could be a gun, knife, whatever. Not to mention someone on drugs or desperation will do things that you won't. Even getting a bite taken out of your face by a crazy person would be enough to instill some regret.

Click to shrink...

Part of my guilt is associated with how long it took me to calculate my safety! I even set my backpack aside and decided I was strong enough to take her on. If she was hepped up enough, it could have gotten ugly for me too, I agree.

But I was taking psych at the time and was full of "I am NOT falling into bystander effect!" righteousness. Luckily, this was Toronto when the knifings and shootings weren't quite as common.

There's always pros and cons to trying to do the right thing in the end, including just speaking up. It'd be understandable if I didn't do anything, but I'm glad I did when I felt able to.


I know there are also a lot of men (and women) who wouldn't be able to view themselves as a victim or as affected by these events and situations, and that may be due to trying to maintain their sense of agency and ego integrity. I think it does affect them and their self-image, but it's hard to say anyone has an authority over their own experiences. all you can do is be supportive and around to talk with them when they are ready to delve deeper into it.


As for the male suicide talk earlier in the thread, I think a lot of suicide attempts by boys and men are masked as "self-destructive" or risk-taking (doing stunts and the like with a high chance of injury or even fatality). Maybe it's not so much that they think themselves as invincible, but that if they do die, they don't think it's a big deal because they don't think of their lives as worth much. Could be for a lot of reasons, but I think violations of one's body and sense of agency over it could be linked to high risk behaviour like that.

 

[Studge]

First off, thank you OP for creating this thread. Damn, and for all the victims I hear you believe you. Makes me think of all the rom coms where a guy gets assaulted by a girl on screen and its played for laughs.

If I may share a story, I didn't realize until later how traumatic the events were for my student's brother. So my student's younger brother who was 14 at the time had gone to a party for his soccer team and at the party was the varsity teams for boys and girls. When he was asked to get drinks in the basement one of the senior female players had followed him and ended up pinning him in a corner and, well giving him a bj.

He left soon after and when he apparently told the host of the party the kid wanted to high five about it. My students was telling me that his brother was having panic attacks and Asked me where he could go for help for his little brother. Keep in mind my student is in college.

So I'm wondering now if this could be seen as statutory rape as well.

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Statutory rape is when someone consents to the sex but isn't legally able to do so because they are underage, like a 16yr old having sex with their 19yr old partner. When someone forces oral sex on someone like you describe that's rape. She should be reported to the police and he should be attending therapy and/or a support group for sexual assault survivors if able.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Yes, it did have that component.

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I'm sorry that happened to you. I was also groomed and sexually abused online. I struggle a lot with it, because even now I still feel responsible for what happened to me. I put myself into those spaces online, I wanted the attention of the men who abused me. It took years before I accepted what happened to me was abuse, and I think I will always carry guilt and shame for my role in it. I guess I'm just saying I understand your pain. It hurts, and your view of yourself is never the same afterwards.

 

[Lakeside]

I was also groomed and sexually abused online.

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One of the frustrating parts about this is that it's so insidious and so many that are susceptible to it believe themselves to be immune. I try to keep a close watch on my kids as they get into the teen years and they waive me off every time I try to poke my nose into their online (only) "friendships". It's so difficult to reinforce how the people on the other end aren't friends, and that they may not even be in the same age bracket.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Statutory rape is when someone consents to the sex but isn't legally able to do so because they are underage, like a 16yr old having sex with their 19yr old partner. When someone forces oral sex on someone like you describe that's rape.

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Yes, it's absolutely rape, it's not penetrative rape but instead 'made to penetrate' rape.

A 16 year old and a 19 year old is a bad example to use for statutory rape, for one because it many states (and most European countries) it legally isn't statutory rape, and even in states where it is statutory rape, it really shouldn't be.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

One of the frustrating parts about this is that it's so insidious and so many that are susceptible to it believe themselves to be immune. I try to keep a close watch on my kids as they get into the teen years and they waive me off every time I try to poke my nose into their online (only) "friendships". It's so difficult to reinforce how the people on the other end aren't friends, and that they may not even be in the same age bracket.

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It's good you are being proactive, that's the most important thing you can do as a parent. I was left alone a lot as a teenager (single mom with a big career) which meant I was lonely and had hours and hours without supervision every day to seek out connection in places I never should have.

 

[Studge]

Yes, it's absolutely rape, it's not penetrative rape but instead 'made to penetrate' rape.

A 16 year old and a 19 year old is a bad example to use for statutory rape, for one because it many states (and most European countries) it legally isn't statutory rape, and even in states where it is statutory rape, it really shouldn't be.

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Oh true, I forgot many places have 16 as the age of consent.

 

[zashga]

Holy fuck, WHAT

Edit: I looked up the original source article and I think this is taken out of context. For that particular line about no one being seriously hurt, the article seemed to be talking about foiled attempts. At least, I think. The rest of the article does address toxic masculinity and fear of reporting and so on, at least. Still, poor choice of word there.

(Not saying this nitpick undermines anything either, of course. I'm tired of how people downplay male rape. Just today I argued with someone who apparently doesn't understand that there exists other forms of male rape than just penetrative sex... 🤦‍♀️ )

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Disagree that the reporting said "no one was seriously hurt" with respect to failed attempts only. Here's the statement in context:

Three of the attacks have occurred in the city, the other two on the outskirts of town. The most recent attack was Nov. 30. Clifford would not give details of the rapes but said at least one victim managed to thwart the attack.

No one has been seriously hurt.

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(It's really posed as its own paragraph like that.)

The clear implication here is that in four rapes and one attempted rape, no one was seriously hurt.

 

[Morrigan]

Disagree that the reporting said "no one was seriously hurt" with respect to failed attempts only. Here's the statement in context:



(It's really posed as its own paragraph like that.)

The clear implication here is that in four rapes and one attempted rape, no one was seriously hurt.

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Hmm yeah, maybe you're right. :( I connected that sentence with the previous one, but the separate paragraph makes it less obvious. I do hope it's just poor choice of words/poor formatting here, because the rest of the article isn't unreasonable. But I can see why the study would take it the way you did, too.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Hmm yeah, maybe you're right. :( I connected that sentence with the previous one, but the separate paragraph makes it less obvious. I do hope it's just poor choice of words/poor formatting here, because the rest of the article isn't unreasonable. But I can see why the study would take it the way you did, too.

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The point is that you probably wouldn't see the phrase "no one was seriously hurt" regarding multiple attempted rapes if the victims were women. It's just a completely tactless thing to write in a news report about a crime like this, even if they only meant that no one sustained serious physical injuries.

 

[Morrigan]

The point is that you probably wouldn't see the phrase "no one was seriously hurt" regarding multiple attempted rapes if the victims were women. It's just a completely tactless thing to write in a news report about a crime like this, even if they only meant that no one sustained serious physical injuries.

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Oh, definitely.

 

[Dekuman]

I was reading an ask Reddit question about first sexual experiences and was appalled at the.number of male rapes in there. The posts I read was 50/50 split between men and women.

The male stories stood out because outside of sex between minors there were lots of teachers, adult aged baby sitters, adult family relations molesting young boys and it wasn't all men. Surprisingly number were horny women preying on inexperieneced kids to get off.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I was reading an ask Reddit question about first sexual experiences and was appalled at the.number of male rapes in there. The posts I read was 50/50 split between men and women.

The male stories stood out because outside of sex between minors there were lots of teachers, adult aged baby sitters, adult family relations molesting young boys and it wasn't all men. Surprisingly number were horny women preying on inexperieneced kids to get off.

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As stated in the OP, 46% of men who were raped or abused surveyed by the NCVS report a female perpetrator. Female perpetrators are far, far more common than previously thought.

89% of juvenile males abused in juvenile detention centers report a female perpetrator. The old '99% of perpetrators are male' data is simply not supported by victim surveys.

 

[TyraZaurus]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I was also groomed and sexually abused online. I struggle a lot with it, because even now I still feel responsible for what happened to me. I put myself into those spaces online, I wanted the attention of the men who abused me. It took years before I accepted what happened to me was abuse, and I think I will always carry guilt and shame for my role in it. I guess I'm just saying I understand your pain. It hurts, and your view of yourself is never the same afterwards.

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What hurts the most is that I know I picked up some of his beliefs and his actions. I turned into a cheater, and I've repressed most of my memory of the 2000s and early 10s to the point I lie awake at night unable to remember if I hurt someone the way I was hurt. I've indulged in inappropriate behaviors, and like I said before, I know there were times I was cruel to people. It's affected my ability to form relationships and every time a sexual abuse scandal comes to light there's a voice in the back of my head telling me "You're just like them. You are just like them."

He fucked up my life, but I can never recall just to what degree, and that's so. Overwhelming. All I can do is try to be the best person I can moving forward, and tell my story to those who need to hear it, I suppose, and acknowledge where I've fucked up while also acknowledging what is and isn't my fault.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

What hurts the most is that I know I picked up some of his beliefs and his actions. I turned into a cheater, and I've repressed most of my memory of the 2000s and early 10s to the point I lie awake at night unable to remember if I hurt someone the way I was hurt. I've indulged in inappropriate behaviors, and like I said before, I know there were times I was cruel to people. It's affected my ability to form relationships and every time a sexual abuse scandal comes to light there's a voice in the back of my head telling me "You're just like them. You are just like them."

He fucked up my life, but I can never recall just to what degree, and that's so. Overwhelming. All I can do is try to be the best person I can moving forward, and tell my story to those who need to hear it, I suppose, and acknowledge where I've fucked up while also acknowledging what is and isn't my fault.

Click to shrink...

Have you ever seen a therapist? I've found it really helpful in terms of coping with my abuse and my own behavior. I was still interacting with some of my abusers and still going to places where I was abused online up until a couple of years ago, and the abuse formed the basis for my sex/porn addiction which I was unable to deal with until getting into therapy. I feel guilty and disgusting for my own behavior and for contributing to/encouraging those desires in others, even if I was doing so as part of my abuse or as behavior born out of the abuse. I think that's part of why grooming is so traumatic, because you are basically an accomplice to your own abuse and it becomes impossible to separate your own behavior from that. As opposed to a scenario in which someone is held down and forcibly raped ("they did this to me"), instead you were manipulated and coerced for so long that your behavior and the behavior of your abuser become so intertwined ("I did this to myself").

In my case, when the abuse started when I was 13, yet I continued engaging in those behaviors online until I was 24. Legally, only about half of that time period would be considered abuse. So once I turned 18, all of a sudden is it no longer abuse, even though I was doing the same thing, with the same people, in the same spaces, and with the same damaging effects on me? It's a complex question and I don't have an answer for myself or for you. But you are not alone, I understand the way you feel because I've felt the same way.

 

[Palookah]

I also like, how, when I mention it, I see comments "ohh poor white guy, how fragile are you". I mean in this sense, that I was not able to overpowered someone who was far stronger, older than I was. Like in 12 years old, what did I should do in that situation? And what the fuck does my skin color does it do with anything, I am from predominately white country.

Only after that I understand struggle of people with different distribution of melanin over their body.

I think that also in my position, is bad, that everybody on the internet presume, that I am from USA, because we filthy slavs only have dial-ups or some shit like that. Even though here situation is better.

It's fair to say, that with coming upfront with my issue, I came across many other social issues and frankly is overwhelming, but I somewhat want to let the world know, that it happens. Because it DOES.

Click to shrink...

Dude, if you ever feel the need to talk to someone to offload.... Please feel free to contact me via pm or whatever. Seriously.

 

[TyraZaurus]

Have you ever seen a therapist? I've found it really helpful in terms of coping with my abuse and my own behavior. I was still interacting with some of my abusers and still going to places where I was abused online up until a couple of years ago, and the abuse formed the basis for my sex/porn addiction which I was unable to deal with until getting into therapy. I feel guilty and disgusting for my own behavior and for contributing to/encouraging those desires in others, even if I was doing so as part of my abuse or as behavior born out of the abuse. I think that's part of why grooming is so traumatic, because you are basically an accomplice to your own abuse and it becomes impossible to separate your own behavior from that. As opposed to a scenario in which someone is held down and forcibly raped ("they did this to me"), instead you were manipulated and coerced for so long that your behavior and the behavior of your abuser become so intertwined ("I did this to myself").

In my case, when the abuse started when I was 13, yet I continued engaging in those behaviors online until I was 24. Legally, only about half of that time period would be considered abuse. So once I turned 18, all of a sudden is it no longer abuse, even though I was doing the same thing, with the same people, in the same spaces, and with the same damaging effects on me? It's a complex question and I don't have an answer for myself or for you. But you are not alone, I understand the way you feel because I've felt the same way.

Click to shrink...

I'm in group therapy now.

I don't know what to say. I've always felt like if I shared my pain here that I'd be run out of here. I feel like bursting into tears.

I don't know if my experiences are the same as yours, as it sounds like the behaviors you continued didn't potentially extend outward like mine did. But. Thank you for showing me kindness and understanding.

I know I need to grow and learn to love myself again, but if there's anything I have to make right or answer for I'm going to accept that too. Please don't think that I'm treating my confessions here like a get out of jail free card.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I'm in group therapy now.

I don't know what to say. I've always felt like if I shared my pain here that I'd be run out of here. I feel like bursting into tears.

I don't know if my experiences are the same as yours, as it sounds like the behaviors you continued didn't potentially extend outward like mine did. But. Thank you for showing me kindness and understanding.

I know I need to grow and learn to love myself again, but if there's anything I have to make right or answer for I'm going to accept that too. Please don't think that I'm treating my confessions here like a get out of jail free card.

Click to shrink...

My behaviors extended outward as well, albeit indirectly. I've been with my current partner since I was 17, and I was still engaging with my abusers and in those spaces in which I was abused for the majority of our relationship. At the very least, that is a betrayal of trust in my relationship that I am responsible for. I don't think there is a single addict or trauma victim out there who has not let their addiction or their pain affect those around them. And by continuing to engage with my abusers, it's possible I was encouraging their behavior with others or at least making them think what they had done to me was OK, what they were potentially doing to others was OK. I will never stop feeling guilt and shame and disgust with myself for that. So again, you are not alone and I understand your pain.

 

[TyraZaurus]

My behaviors extended outward as well, albeit indirectly. I've been with my current partner since I was 17, and I was still engaging with my abusers and in those spaces in which I was abused for the majority of our relationship. At the very least, that is a betrayal of trust in my relationship that I am responsible for. I don't think there is a single addict or trauma victim out there who has not let their addiction or their pain affect those around them. And by continuing to engage with my abusers, it's possible I was encouraging their behavior with others or at least making them think what they had done to me was OK, what they were potentially doing to others was OK. I will never stop feeling guilt and shame and disgust with myself for that. So again, you are not alone and I understand your pain.

Click to shrink...

I cannot describe how much this means to me. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I cannot describe how much this means to me. Thank you.

Click to shrink...

No problem, it helps me as well to talk to people who have experienced something similar. Please, feel free to PM me any time you want to talk.

 

[TyraZaurus]

No problem, it helps me as well to talk to people who have experienced something similar. Please, feel free to PM me any time you want to talk.

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I'll try to. It's really hard to keep up with all the people here.

 

[Demon-69]

I don't like to talk about this but people down play this I, had something happen to me when I, was like 11 or 12 and an older girl around 16 or 18 made me do things and did things to me and it fucked me up mentally and started not trusting people etc always paranoid and not letting anyone in, growing up I, become an introvert and anti social didn't finish school which I, did at a late age it took me awhile to become normal which is when I was like 20 or 21 that's when I got a job before that I only had like 4 friends and rarely got out mostly at home and play video games to escape reality.
Anyways everytime if I will talk to anyone about this they would joke about it or telling me I was lucky or something along the lines wtf with that mentality that shit didnt happen to you when you were a kid!.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

I'm seeing a lot of self hatred here and none of you deserve any of it.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I'll try to. It's really hard to keep up with all the people here.

Click to shrink...

No worries, I just wanted you to know the option is open.

I'm seeing a lot of self hatred here and none of you deserve any of it.

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I think most victims experience this. It's a hard thing to shake.

 

[Elderly Parrot]

OH MY GOD, YES! I read so many articles stating that the film was a feminist work, a celebration of freedom, that the "villain" got what he deserved. Meanwhile I was just in horror at a film that clearly viewed this a karmic punishment. I was freakin pissed.

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Spoiler

Yeah, in retrospect the ending to that film was really kind of fucked up. You're supposed to be rooting for the girlfriend as she sentences the boyfriend to death because he was a bit of a dick and because he cheated, but in reality he was just a bit of a dick and the 'cheating' was literal rape. The whole message is kind of thrown away at that point and it kind of soured the whole thing for me.

Click to shrink...

Exactly how I feel. Glad to see people who see things for what they are

 

[uncelestial]

I just want to say thank you to the OP for writing such a detailed and eye opening post.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I just want to say thank you to the OP for writing such a detailed and eye opening post.

Click to shrink...

I'm glad people are getting something out of it.

 

[leburn98]

I think there's also the expectation that men should always be capable of defending themselves physically. Or that they wouldn't be immobilized by fear or other pressure. It's not just about physical strenght either, but that man couldn't be in a power dynamic with the perpetrator where they could be sexually taken advantage of. Maybe it's the male equilevant of "she was asking for it".

Click to shrink...

The power dynamic can also be used against a man in a situation like this. If a man is walking alone at night and a woman blindsides them in an attempted sexual assault, the man uses physical violence in self defense, which story do you think the police or the general public will believe?

Woman: This man assaulted me.
Man: This woman tried to sexually assault me, so I hit her in self defense.

With that said, it was nice to see someone like Terry Crews step forward to prove that being big, strong and muscular doesn't prevent you from being sexually assaulted.

Also regarding the topic:
It should also be stated that toxic masculinity is not strictly a male exclusive trait. There are plenty of women who display this same behavior. I've been inappropriately touched on numerous occasions at bars. On one specific occasion, I once had a woman sit beside me and touch my inner thigh. I told her not to touch me and her response was 'Don't kid yourself, you enjoyed it'. Toxic masculinity and our culture has taught her that all men enjoy this behavior. We do not.

 

[Doctor_Thomas]

Toxic masculinity and our culture has taught her that all men enjoy this behavior. We do not.

Click to shrink...

Yep.

It's happened a few times and I, maybe wrongly, laugh it off and move away but it always leaves me feeling really weird and it kind of stops my night out, if I'm out, there and then.

I wouldn't do it to someone else, I just don't want it done to me.

This doesn't remotely compare to what other people have maybe experienced, but it's just to highlight that this isn't something that exists in a bubble. Toxic masculinity promote the sterotype that men like being hit on aggressively.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

The power dynamic can also be used against a man in a situation like this. If a man is walking alone at night and a woman blindsides them in an attempted sexual assault, the man uses physical violence in self defense, which story do you think the police or the general public will believe?

Woman: This man assaulted me.
Man: This woman tried to sexually assault me, so I hit her in self defense.

With that said, it was nice to see someone like Terry Crews step forward to prove that being big, strong and muscular doesn't prevent you from being sexually assaulted.

Also regarding the topic:
It should also be stated that toxic masculinity is not strictly a male exclusive trait. There are plenty of women who display this same behavior. I've been inappropriately touched on numerous occasions at bars. On one specific occasion, I once had a woman sit beside me and touch my inner thigh. I told her not to touch me and her response was 'Don't kid yourself, you enjoyed it'. Toxic masculinity and our culture has taught her that all men enjoy this behavior. We do not.

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Yep.

It's happened a few times and I, maybe wrongly, laugh it off and move away but it always leaves me feeling really weird and it kind of stops my night out, if I'm out, there and then.

I wouldn't do it to someone else, I just don't want it done to me.

This doesn't remotely compare to what other people have maybe experienced, but it's just to highlight that this isn't something that exists in a bubble. Toxic masculinity promote the sterotype that men like being hit on aggressively.

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Yes, some women also reinforce toxic masculinity. Though in a situation like you are describing, toxic masculinity is a contributor but it's mostly the same problem behind all sexual harassment; lack of respect for the person being harassed and a sense of entitlement to your body on the part of the harasser. The motivation behind sexual harassment perpetrated by men and by women are basically identical.

 

[Firmament1]

Glad that you made this thread OP. While Men on Women may be more common, other victims shouldn't be ignored.

 

[Darkspellmaster]

Statutory rape is when someone consents to the sex but isn't legally able to do so because they are underage, like a 16yr old having sex with their 19yr old partner. When someone forces oral sex on someone like you describe that's rape. She should be reported to the police and he should be attending therapy and/or a support group for sexual assault survivors if able.

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Thank you and OP for responding. Sadly this happened two years ago, so I don't know if the girl was reported to the police. In my area there is a lot of machismo in the Latino community, so in all likelihood his family probably didn't report it. I do know that the last time I talked with my student, he did say that he was ind someone for his brother, as he is going through the nursing program at our college and part of the training is helping victims. So hwas using that to help his younger brother.

The movie thing makes you wonder how many movies that are seen as these great works have this element in there that's overlooked. Or even animation having it.

 

[Top NHST Product]

Here is a link to the 2015 NISVS survey. It looks likes some of the suggestions have been taken into consideration including adding attempted instances of being made to penetrate to the table for men. Need to keep emphasizing the importance of discussing it so that data collection continues to improve and hopefully supports more survivors being able to come forward and get any help they need.

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevent...lenceprevention/nisvs/2015NISVSdatabrief.html

 

[Ghgghggh]

For everyone here who was or is abused.
I believe you. It isn't your fault. Self blame and anger turned inwards leads to depression. So please seek out help because I don't want anyone to suffer like this.

 

[11037]

Thank you for making this thread. I was recently sexually assaulted by a co-worker at a party and I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that. I considered them a good friend and I was upset, angry and ashamed at what happened. Reporting him to HR was the most humiliating thing I have ever done as I had to explain everything that happened multiple times and was also asked if I enjoyed what he did to me. Fuck no. I'm glad my girlfriend has been supportive but I also feel alone and my mental health has been the lowest it has ever been since this incident. Have been trying to think better thoughts but I'm struggling.

 

[Deleted member 203]

Reading these replies, this thread is so important. I'm glad OP made it and that some of you feel safe to speak up here. None of you deserved this and I hope this can help you heal in some small way.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Here is a link to the 2015 NISVS survey. It looks likes some of the suggestions have been taken into consideration including adding attempted instances of being made to penetrate to the table for men. Need to keep emphasizing the importance of discussing it so that data collection continues to improve and hopefully supports more survivors being able to come forward and get any help they need.

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevent...lenceprevention/nisvs/2015NISVSdatabrief.html

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Yup, Stemple and Meyer note in their paper that the NISVS is the most comprehensive survey for capturing male rape/abuse data. Obviously more progress needs to be made, specifically in how these survey results are reported by institutions and the media, but there has been progress.

 

[LatinX_GoddeZ]

Male rape doesn't exist. The end.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

Male rape doesn't exist. The end.

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Huh?

 

[Siggy-P]

Good topic OP. I can't really contribute much as I'm not very familiar with any man whose admitted to being raped, but I've known more than a few who have been sexually assaulted and it never sat right with me how they didn't feel they could talk about it even with me.

Male rape doesn't exist. The end.

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Interesting post history.

Aren't you just delightful.

 

[SurrenderDorothy]

Male rape doesn't exist. The end.

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