You are confusing Tony's entire character arc over 10 years with Tony.
Ironman 1 Tony was as cocky, arrogant, confident as he ever was. And that was long before any aliens, guilt, or gods or aliens were brought into his sphere of awareness by all these MCU movies.
And the reaction to him being that way? Was audiences raved and it began the MCU.
Carol has had one movie as an introduction. You haven't had enough time to find out what her fears, struggles and more are. Lets keep it 100. The reaction was not the same for Tony. At all.
Whatever negative reaction to Carol's "arrogance" emerged on social media was rooted in sexism and insecurity, and that's not for debate.
But for the rest... no. Tony was a flawed, insecure character from the get go. He's pretty much a piece of shit at the beginning of the movie, and he spends the rest of the story overcoming
himself, not an external threat. Tony's biggest fear and enemy, beginning with Iron Man 1, is Tony himself. The scene where he realizes he can use repulsors as weapons ends with him shooting his own reflection in anger.
Also, people constantly get back at Tony for his arrogance. Pepper, Rhody, Natasha - everyone close to him constantly puts him in his place. His arrogance is balanced out because it's acknowledge in the story. People know it's an act.
Carol is a different character. I think arrogant is a really poor and dishonest word for describing her attitude. She's confident, and collected. She's Superman basically. She has to overcome others, in her story, not her character flaws. She's got nothing to compensate for. She's got no glaring flaw of character.
Now, she was going to piss off those people anyways, but honestly I don't give a shit about what they think or feel. I care about the character, and I hope they manage to make her more interesting than Superman is, without giving ammo to the people who can't wait to see her fail (as the memes about her being punched by Thanos prove).
