Being alone for the holidays is really depressing

[BDS]

I'm one of those people that loves the Christmas holiday season. I love the music and the lights and the decorating and the cold weather and the excitement and atmosphere and I love getting gifts for people. I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas with my family as a kid growing up.

Unfortunately when I was a teenager my parents divorced, and several years ago I lost my mom, who loved Christmas and decorating and the holiday season like I do. In the years since, the holidays with my cynical dad, stepmom, and my brothers have been lower-key and not as fun.

This is the first December where I'll be completely by myself. I'm in an apartment so I can't decorate the exterior like I could a house, and decorating the interior is pointless because nobody will see it but me. I'll be alone on Christmas with nobody to celebrate with, nobody to exchange gifts with. Just me in a bland empty apartment. Most of my friends are really just acquaintances and they'll all be off with their own families. Being alone just serves to make me feel like nobody really cares or would even notice if I was gone. It's just frustrating and depressing.

I don't know why I'm making this thread, I just wanted to vent.

 

[Patryn]

You can decorate the apartment for yourself. You deserve to enjoy the holidays and if decorations do that, it's worth it.

 

[Interested Observer]

Sorry to hear that OP. It does sound tough. Just a thought - can you do any volunteering on Xmas day or anything? My neighbour helps out at a dinner service every year for families or people who are down on their luck. It might get you out of the apartment and meet some people. Obviously not sure where you are or if opportunities exist.

 

[NealMcCauley]

Usually newspapers and their websites will have a list of places open on Christmas if you want to try something new. You're definitely not the only one feeling alone during the holidays.

 

[Aprikurt]

I thought you meant single OP.

Nobody is tough. Bet there's lots in ERA in you situation though.

 

[Stryder]

I'm going to be alone for the holidays this year. GF and her family are all going to mexico and I can't join...

Going to be able to see Witcher day one on Netflix at least.. also have a backlog i can work through

there is always a bright side i guess

 

[Fliesen]

You can decorate the windows! - hang some lights and shit!

Also, yeah, i get how being by yourself over the holidays can be a huge bummer. Why is spending the holidays with your dad's family not an option? Distance?

 

[Stranger Things]

Sorry for your losses, OP.

You can count on ERA. We're here for you. The holidays can brutal when you're alone, but keep your head up. Watch some cheery Christmas movies and drink some hot chocolate ... Mmm.

 

[Deleted member 3010]

Decorate your apartment, I did that back then and it does wonders for the Christmas feels. Even if it's just for yourself, why the hell not if you enjoy it?

 

[sirap]

I feel you OP. I've lived alone for almost a decade now and it's never been a problem, but holidays can really be tough.

 

[TransEuropaExpress]

Right there with you! My wife and I separated early this year and her family was my surrogate family in the area with none of my own anywhere near so yeah, it's alone with zero plans for me as well.

Well, me and my cat...which is possibly even more depressing somehow...

 

[Randomly Generated]

I'm prepping for a depressing holiday alone in an apartment too, OP. I say decorate and try to enjoy yourself. <3

 

[subpar spatula]

See if your apartment has a party room you can rent out. Make some flyers saying, "Holiday gathering" and give a date. See if people show up.

 

[KillerDark]

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Definitely decorate your place, it makes a big difference (for me at least)! Do those things that help you enjoy the season

 

[capitalCORN]

If you can't volunteer, there's probably a communal Christmas meal happening somewhere in your area (NOT A SOUP KITCHEN) for a nominal price. There's probably like-minded people there.

 

[Saganator]

Sounds a lot like my early to mid 20s holiday experience, it gets better but just try not to dwell on it, and definitely stay away from social media on the actual holidays, seeing pictures of all your friends being happy and not alone will probably just make it worse, at least it did for me.

 

[PeskyToaster]

you can get some gifts for me OP.

Also decorate it up! it'll be fun and you'll love the results!

 

[BringBackSonics]

I'm one of those people that loves the Christmas holiday season. I love the music and the lights and the decorating and the cold weather and the excitement and atmosphere and I love getting gifts for people. I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas with my family as a kid growing up.

Unfortunately when I was a teenager my parents divorced, and several years ago I lost my mom, who loved Christmas and decorating and the holiday season like I do. In the years since, the holidays with my cynical dad, stepmom, and my brothers have been lower-key and not as fun.

This is the first December where I'll be completely by myself. I'm in an apartment so I can't decorate the exterior like I could a house, and decorating the interior is pointless because nobody will see it but me. I'll be alone on Christmas with nobody to celebrate with, nobody to exchange gifts with. Just me in a bland empty apartment. Most of my friends are really just acquaintances and they'll all be off with their own families. Being alone just serves to make me feel like nobody really cares or would even notice if I was gone. It's just frustrating and depressing.

I don't know why I'm making this thread, I just wanted to vent.

Click to shrink...

Honestly OP? I'd look for volunteer groups that help others during the holidays (By serving homeless, folks singing christmas carols, giving toys to kids)

In our area, we have volunteers to act like santas or elves, where they drive around and act like santa and give toys to kids that need them. It might fit your need to get some christmas cheer.

 

[Deleted member 60582]

I feel similarly, though I'm not necessarily alone since I'm married, but I do feel very alone this time of year. I grew up up north in the cold, with parents who went all-out for Christmas and just generally had almost a picture-perfect season every year. It was magical, and my favorite time of my life.

Then my parents divorced, my dad stayed up north with my brother, my mom remarried and we ended up in Texas, my grandparents passed away, I had to cut off most contact with my mom for reasons I won't get into here, my other siblings are either in prison or pieces of trash I don't speak to, all my friends have moved on to greener pastures, and all I'm really left with is memories of people and places I'll never see again. I haven't seen my dad or older brother since 2000, and making a trip up to Chicago just isn't financially in the cards. My wife and I decorate our place, and it helps a bit but there's always that lonely tug on the back of my mind reminding me that nothing will ever compare to the times I had as a kid, and magic isn't real at all. I've gotten better the past few years by just keeping busy and refusing to stew in my memories and make myself miserable, but I don't really think I'll ever truly enjoy this time of year again.

 

[Yasuke]

decorating the interior is pointless because nobody will see it but me

Click to shrink...

You should absolutely decorate the interior solely for your benefit.

I've been there. I'd suggest either finding out if one of your friends would mind you spending Christmas with them, or else making time to do your own thing. Something that you really want to do (like decorating your apartment, regardless of if anyone else will get to enjoy the product).

 

[sven]

To me this is the best time of the year too be single.

 

[LegendofJoe]

Decorate your apartment anyway and use the opportunity to volunteer on Christmas day to help people in need. You never know you might make a lasting friendship in the process.

 

[Deleted member 21339]

Try not to get down about it. Keep busy doing what you like and maybe go watch the new SW a few times haha

 

[lt519]

Absolutely decorate the interior yourself, it'll make you feel a lot better. Make the holiday about you, line up all the fun shit you wanna do and go to town.

Not the same as Christmas, but I spent a lot of Thanksgiving's alone and I either caught up with friends for drinks that night or made myself a Thanksgiving dinner worthy of one spent with family.

 

[subpar spatula]

You could also volunteer. If you have online friends then have an onlinr gathering.

 

[Fanto]

I know it's not the same as being together in real life, but I do really care and I would notice if you were gone. It is depressing being alone, I love the holiday season as well and I would also be super depressed if I couldn't get together with my family and exchange gifts. Of course I'll be thinking about you and staying in contact, you're a great person and a friend that I value immensely.

 

[How About No]

meanwhile my family had no plans for a dinner this thanksgiving and im like "thank god"

that rly sucks tho :[

 

[LegendofJoe]

Thinking about this more I'd be all about welcoming someone who is alone during the holidays into my home. I am positive I know someone in that situation, I just need to think about it.

 

[Jeronimo]

You should definitely decorate for yourself if you want.

Since it's holiday season, maybe you could spend some time doing something for others. You could possibly meet generous people and feel less lonely. The wife and I helped collect and sort donations for a church clothing drive last weekend despite being exhausted from traveling for Thanksgiving. I don't say that to brag, but because I didn't really feel like the timing was great but I felt good about it during and after.

 

[thecouncil]

I live alone and decorate my apartment. Get some of these and put them in the windows.

Where are your mom's decorations? I'd put those up in my apartment in honor of her and her love of the holiday. Maybe that would make you feel better.

 

[DrewFu]

Why can't you decorate the inside for yourself? Isn't that normally what decorating inside is about?

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I usually dread Christmas because I almost always spend it alone. I'd usually go get drunk somewhere but that never really helped. Just going to try and ignore it this year. I've never had a Christmas so you'd think I'd be used to it but its just depressing. I doubt decorating would help anything.

 

[Siyou]

Put some old christmas music on and get yourself into the mood to do some decorating. It should help. But yeah, I was in China for some holidays. I'm not much for the holiday, but after being away from everything, it's an odd yearning.

 

[AliceAmber]

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Would it help to focus on yourself this year? Like putting up the decorations just for your enjoyment (even if its not a lot) and gifting yourself with something?

 

[Deleted member 3896]

Sorry for your loss, OP.

The holidays really can be tough for sure. There are some great suggestions here though. A few thoughts-- in terms of being alone, meeting people is the only way to get around that. What are you into? Are there any Meetup groups for your interests in your city? Also, one year when I was really into playing DCUO, I had some friends I'd made online and we arranged a real life gift exchange drawn at random and mailed each other gifts and opened together when we were online together. If you have an online community maybe that could be fun to do? Also, have you considered getting a pet? A little kitten or a puppy might need your love & a red bow this time of year...

 

[Cream Stout]

yeah.. christmas just hasn't really been the same since my parents divorced as well. just split between two locations and not as intimate i guess. my grandfather passed this year so it'll be weird not seeing him for christmas. there are some good suggestions in the thread though, and hopefully you find something to keep that holiday vibe for you :)

 

[Deleted member 39374]

I had one of these in 2016, it sucked.

Even more so that my floors were soaked from rain leaks, so the place smelled like shit, the walls were partially torn down for repairs, and I was sitting there with my furniture all piled up watching miracle on 34th street alone. Very depressing!

 

[BDS]

I don't want to put up decorations on the interior because what's the point if no one will ever see them but me

It just reminds me that I'm alone

 

[finalflame]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I've always kind of enjoyed the peace, quiet, and doing my own thing. I understand your context is different and hope you the best.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

I don't want to put up decorations on the interior because what's the point if no one will ever see them but me

It just reminds me that I'm alone

Click to shrink...

I know that feel, OP.

 

[Deleted member 13496]

I know what you mean OP. I live 5,000km away from my family so most holidays end up like that.

I'm going home for Christmas for the first time in years and I'm pretty excited.

 

[Mediking]

I don't want to put up decorations on the interior because what's the point if no one will ever see them but me

It just reminds me that I'm alone

Click to shrink...

Hmmm.... I have an idea...

 

[LegendofJoe]

I don't want to put up decorations on the interior because what's the point if no one will ever see them but me

It just reminds me that I'm alone

Click to shrink...

Would your Mom want you to be sad or alone during the holidays? You said that she made this time of year special. And her memory lives on thru you so do what your Mom would have done and brighten the lives of both yourself and others.

 

[BDS]

Would your Mom want you to be sad or alone during the holidays? You said that she made this time of year special. And her memory lives on thru you so do what your Mom would have done and brighten the lives of both yourself and others.

Click to shrink...

Really it's not just that I'm alone during the holidays, I'm lonely all the time, but it's especially bad at the holidays because that's when you're supposed to spend time with people. I'm very introverted/socially anxious and only really like spending time around select people so as a result I don't have a lot of friends or really anybody to spend time with and it makes me feel really alone

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Really it's not just that I'm alone during the holidays, I'm lonely all the time, but it's especially bad at the holidays because that's when you're supposed to spend time with people. I'm very introverted/socially anxious and only really like spending time around select people so as a result I don't have a lot of friends or really anybody to spend time with and it makes me feel really alone

Click to shrink...

I know exactly how you feel. Im always alone and I'm fine. Its during the holidays when you know most people are spending time with family. Its really hard not to reflect on that during those times.

 

[StrangerDanger]

Start looking at places that need volunteers during the holiday season, cheer others up that are in a worse position than yours! Plus you can make new friends and enjoy yourself afterwards

 

[Blader]

I don't want to put up decorations on the interior because what's the point if no one will ever see them but me

It just reminds me that I'm alone

Click to shrink...

You getting to enjoy your own decorations is important too. You'll always spend more time in your home than any guests ever will, after all. It's not for them to look at, it's for you.

My wife always likes to plug in the Christmas tree lights and other lights around our apt even though it's just us at home. Why? Nobody else is seeing them. But she wants to see them, and she'd be looking at them far longer and more often than anyone else ever would anyway. Making something for you and not others is part of the point.

 

[Deleted member 4274]

I'm one of those people that loves the Christmas holiday season. I love the music and the lights and the decorating and the cold weather and the excitement and atmosphere and I love getting gifts for people. I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas with my family as a kid growing up.

Unfortunately when I was a teenager my parents divorced, and several years ago I lost my mom, who loved Christmas and decorating and the holiday season like I do. In the years since, the holidays with my cynical dad, stepmom, and my brothers have been lower-key and not as fun.

This is the first December where I'll be completely by myself. I'm in an apartment so I can't decorate the exterior like I could a house, and decorating the interior is pointless because nobody will see it but me. I'll be alone on Christmas with nobody to celebrate with, nobody to exchange gifts with. Just me in a bland empty apartment. Most of my friends are really just acquaintances and they'll all be off with their own families. Being alone just serves to make me feel like nobody really cares or would even notice if I was gone. It's just frustrating and depressing.

I don't know why I'm making this thread, I just wanted to vent.

Click to shrink...

I get depressed this season because i haven't seen my Harlem FAMILY in 10 years. My Grandma and mom are Jehovah's Witnesses, and I'm not. I have a large (VERY large) family, on both sides, but i don't really fuck with my dad, as he's a piece of shit cheating deadbeat and so i don't know his side of the family, and my Mom's big ass family just aren't close. So i chill with my girls family. I may not do the gift exchange (old habits die hard) but it's cool to be around them. Wish some were black or spanish, though, LOL. Cambodian culture is cool, though.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I get depressed this season because i haven't seen my Harlem FAMILY in 10 years. My Grandma and mom are Jehovah's Witnesses, and I'm not. I have a large (VERY large) family, on both sides, but i don't really fuck with my dad, as he's a piece of shit cheating deadbeat and so i don't know his side of the family, and my Mom's big ass family just aren't close. So i chill with my girls family. I may not do the gift exchange (old habits die hard) but it's cool to be around them. Wish some were black or spanish, though, LOL. Cambodian culture is cool, though.

Click to shrink...

Haha I feel you there. Same with my family being JW. After a lifetime of no Christmas it just carried over after I left. Only time I ever had kind of one was when I'd be at the spouse's families house for dinner when we were together. And it's been about 10 years since I been home. Huge family too.

 

[Eros]

Disagree about decorating the interior. I prefer it. I get to see them when I'm in my house and feel the spirit a little more, as opposed to only seeing my decorations when I'm outside.