Being a parent is fucking hard

[Calamari41]

Yeah, I have a 5 year old, a 2.5 year old, and twin 1 year olds.

It's beyond a full time job, and can be very overwhelming.

But on the rare occasion when everyone is out of the house with grandma or something and I'm home alone for a couple of hours? I have no clue what to do with myself and wish they would come back, or regret not going with them.

 

[Red]

It can be emotionally draining but I have never once regretted it. If there is one thing in my life that I feel is a gift, it's my family.

When I weigh having kids over not having kids, I know that for me, not having them would be way harder. I always wanted to be a parent and I love every second of it.

Often it feels like a good workout. When you start to get into those last few reps it feels impossible. But you push through. You collect yourself, you find strength. You maintain your composure and reach your goal. And it feels rewarding in the end. It trains empathy. Provides an opportunity to learn. Continual improvement.

 

[Sir Hound]

Of course. I was on the fence before that, and that event just cemented the lack of faith I have in the future of our country and the world as a whole. I don't want to bring new life into this world at the point we're at and heading to. If anything, I'd rather adopt and save a life that's already here.

Click to shrink...

Time's a long time, I'm sure as shit glad all the people before me chose to have a kid even through much darker days than today. But I appreciate not wanting a kid or adopting too, for any reason!

Personally as someone who is trying right now threads like this scare the shit out of me. I'm fine with one though, two sounds unimaginably difficult. But I've just been hanging out with my friends and their new kid and she's a delight. I hope we luck out too.

 

[Darkmaigle]

The first time both my kids got sick at the same time I told my wife very sternly that we would not be having any more children.

 

[DiceyRobot]

Hah, I'm a father of a 2.5 year old daughter and can definitely relate to a lot of the experiences in this thread. Still, the way I look at it, I'm happy to deal with those sleepless nights, tantrums, and all that comes with it, because it also means it's another minute I get to spend on this planet with my kid. Of course I'd much prefer her happier moods haha, but I'm just happy she exists in general, regardless of what's happening.

Let's see how I feel during those teenage years though lol.

 

[Cousin From Boston]

Been there OP. The tough days are tough, but the good days are immaculate. Can't have the sweet without the sour. You're doing a great job.

 

[nihilence]

Yup. Some days are a dream. Some are a nightmare.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I have a 6.5 yo stepson and our own 18mo. It's exhausting taking turns to wake up a couple times night to feed her. Though now we just use boppy and when she's done drinking bottle we go in and take it out while she falls back to sleep.

You can't go anywhere without your baby wanting to run around and throwing temper tantrums.

I'm listening to Mickeys Fun House all day since that's all she'll watch. Meanwhile my friend is in Spain on vacation.

 

[lt519]

Spent my morning dealing with my daughter's epic meltdown because I wasn't letting her steal a toy from her brother while simultaneously getting myself ready for work and them ready for school. All while being super tired because I stupidly stayed up late watching the NBA Finals.

By the time I get to work I need a coffee break to decompress from whatever chaos each morning brings.

Yeah, I have a 5 year old, a 2.5 year old, and twin 1 year olds.

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The sole reason we aren't going to try for a third is the risk of getting another set of twins is too high since it runs in my wife's family. Bet that was a shock to the system for you haha.

 

[jackie daytona]

I'm listening to Mickeys Fun House all day since that's all she'll watch. Meanwhile my friend is in Spain on vacation.

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Fuck I've got that stuck in my head recently too. Come inside, it's fun inside….

Bluey S3 when Disney???

 

[DiceyRobot]

It can be emotionally draining but I have never once regretted it. If there is one thing in my life that I feel is a gift, it's my family.

When I weigh having kids over not having kids, I know that for me, not having them would be way harder. I always wanted to be a parent and I love every second of it.

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Going into it, I always believed that regardless of whether I have a kid or not, life will be good. I felt either path would be rewarding and lead to happiness, and didn't want to make a decision on having a kid simply to make my own life better.

Having said that, now that I'm 2.5 years in with my kid, I feel the same way you do, that I can't imagine a life without my kid anymore and the thought of it just seems like a lesser, dimmer world. Whatever biology/neurochemical changes that happen to a parent's brain after a newborn must be some pretty amazing stuff, haha.

But on the rare occasion when everyone is out of the house with grandma or something and I'm home alone for a couple of hours? I have no clue what to do with myself and wish they would come back, or regret not going with them.

Click to shrink...

Haha, yeah I know this feeling well too. I wonder if this is like being a soldier that wants to return to the battlefield despite it being chaos, lol.

 

[Revolver_Ocelot]

Recently we just learned part of the reason our kid has been spending so much time with one child is because said child gets upset if our kid ever wants to play with other friends at school. It's a tough line trying to balance teaching them to be assertive while not being inconsiderate of other people. Being empathetic is a great attribute, but not all the time, particularly in this instance. So we'll see how the lessons hold.

The mindfuck of always wanting your kid to be safe and make smart decisions, balanced with the recognition that you can only do and teach them so much, and that life is going to hurt them is becoming ever more present.

 

[Instro]

I don't know how people have more than 1 lol. That shit seems crazy.

 

[WarMacheen]

5 and 3 y/o girls

the amount of worry that goes through my head regarding the shit they will have to deal with is huge

I just try to provide them the guidance and tools as best as I can

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and mma training.

 

[DarthWalden]

Just wait till they hit ages 8-13 and they start inheriting all your mental health issues.

The emotional stress from that is much worse than the physical stress from dealing with a baby/toddler (enjoy those years, they are the best)

 

[bionic77]

Correction to OP.

Being a responsible and caring parent is hard.

There are plenty of shitty parents out there who are never around for their kids.

Responsibility in general is a pain in the fucking ass....

 

[Briareos]

The emotional stress from that is much worse than the physical stress from dealing with a baby/toddler (enjoy those years, they are the best)

Click to shrink...

When we had our first, our neighbors were listening to us moaning about sleep. "Just wait until they're 17 and they want to go to a party and you're probably sure there won't be adults and maybe alcohol and you get to figure out how to navigate whether they'll be in a car accident. Right now they cry, you either change their diaper or feed them, it's pretty straightforward."

My eldest is graduating high school this weekend, pretty bizarre.

 

[Jenkins]

I appreciate this.

I really hope you don't get a lot of shit in your life for this. I've heard a thousand reasons why friends of mine choose not to have children and every one is valid. I had a friend like you who is afraid of the future. I have a friend who loves his wife very much but worries that her mental health might be a detriment on a child and he'd have to do all "the work". I have another friend who's wife wants a baby but he's worried that he'll be as bad a dad as his own. I've tried talking them all at some point into it but decided it was not my right and stopped. I respect their decision

Click to shrink...

On the other side, it wouldn't be any better if you pushed them over the hump, to say 51% willing, they went through w/it and resented you forever afterwards. I really feel like it's not something to do if you're not pretty darn certain you want em'.

My wife had COVID last week and I had to take car of our 5 month old exclusively while she isolated it was rough. She had to do it back in March when I had COVID. I can't fathom how single parents do it. When both of us are doing it it's still exhausting.

One week after she was born I rang my parents and apologized to them. I never appreciated how much effort they put into raising me and I wasn't a bad kid.

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If I've taken anything away from being a parent - it's that single parents are f'in superheroes. I think about it constantly.

 

[Euphoria]

Reading anyone write out things like "I hate being a parent" makes me sad. Imagine if you were a child and you heard that?

Then you have me. I get sad regularly because my daughter is turning 13, and I get upset because these "tough" years are running out.

I've love every moment of being a dad.

 

[RepairmanJack]

Everyone with younger kids thinking it will get easier...

My kid's only six and I miss the days she couldn't talk back and didn't know how to manipulate everyone around her.

 

[Sloth Guevara]

Got a 2yo girl.

I didn't want kids but it was a dealbreaker for my significant other.
So we agreed on one.
No way in hell I'm getting a second one tho.
With the way the world is evolving I feel a huge amount of guilt bringing more lives into this word.

 

[Bear]

I have a 9 month old and I'm awake at least once or twice every night changing/feeding him. I haven't slept a full night since he was born. Thank god that I work from home because I could not wake up at 7am and commute each day with the lack of sleep.

 

[Musubi]

Yeah shout outs to all the parents out there. I never want kids. Having to deal with 8 or 9 hours of stress at work and then come home and deal with kids would just break me.

 

[Skyshark]

My son is 13. He was pretty much a perfect baby. After a month, he slept through the night without waking up. Even before then, he'd only wake up once for a bottle. I could literally take him anywhere (movies, out to eat, etc.) and he wouldn't cry. He never really cried, to be honest. I was thinking, man, this shit is easy. When he was 2 and a half years old, our daughter was born. We were shell shocked. This kid cried 20 hours a day every day for 7 months straight. And those four hours of silence were not in a row. And I'm not exaggerating. It was hell. Nobody would watch her for a day to give us a break. We took her to doctors to try to see what was wrong and they all said nothing. That's just how she is. On day 29 I was like, man, that safe haven shit ends tomorrow. Words can't describe how miserable of a time it was. She started walking at 7 months old and stopped crying after that. So maybe she was just bored? But that was the worse 7 month stretch of my life.

 

[BourbonAFC]

Yeah, it's hard as shit! Especially with work. We just have one now, but may have another. There are times when I'm so tired and frustrated and just wish he could tell me what he wants. He's six months old and screams when he's having fun, screams when he's bored, screams when he's tired, screams for what feels like no reason. I do know the bottle cry pretty well, tho. When it's Friday night and I just want to cut loose a little and have a few beers I'm excited when he goes to bed. But after a bit, I'm wishing he was still awake. Or if me and the wife go out by ourselves, or out of town for the night when grandma is visiting I find myself wishing I was at home with him. It's hard but super rewarding. Being a dad is indescribable to anyone who doesn't have children.

And honestly, I make it sound like I have a hell baby, but he's literally the greatest baby ever. Super happy all the time, smiles at everyone, can entertain himself if we are doing chores around the house, sleeps all night most nights. And is just a joy to be around. But that doesn't make the "rough times" any easier.

 

[thetrin]

I'm not a family person at all (don't really talk to anyone in my family besides my parents), and despite being very close to 40, I still have no desire to have a family. Good on those who are going the parent route. It can't be easy.

 

[Deleted member 1594]

Reading anyone write out things like "I hate being a parent" makes me sad. Imagine if you were a child and you heard that?

Click to shrink...

I don't think anyone that say "I hate being a parent" means "I hate my kid." Besides, the child probably won't or shouldn't hear it. It doesn't make it any less true. And sometimes parents just need to vent.

I find some people take to being parents better and some don't. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to being a happy or miserable parent.

My wife and I both have stressful and demanding jobs. But we used to be able to cope because we didn't have kids and could wind down in the evening. We didn't realize just how demanding a single child would be. She needs attention 24/7 when she's home. She struggles entertaining herself even at 6.5 years old. And when you just need a little mental break and you can't get it.... it starts to snowball. We've been struggling wit mental health issues for a few years now with no end in sight. Perhaps a career change might help, but at this point a career change is impossible once you have a kid and you have a certain level of income you need to hit.

 

[Deleted member 19626]

Nothing to add other then, yes, it's exhausting as all hell. It's worth it, but hard to see it when in the moment sometimes

 

[Pocky4Th3Win]

Yeah, I have a 5 year old, a 2.5 year old, and twin 1 year olds.

Click to shrink...

Reason we stopped at two. I really wanted a daughter so I can have a my little man and a little princess but after two boys, I don't think I would survive a third or worse twins (Runs in my family, multiple cousins are twins).

 

[mjc]

Everyone with younger kids thinking it will get easier...

My kid's only six and I miss the days she couldn't talk back and didn't know how to manipulate everyone around her.

Click to shrink...

Seriously, they turn into little masterminds. It's incredible to see though.

 

[RepairmanJack]

Seriously, they turn into little masterminds. It's incredible to see though.

Click to shrink...

I think people thought this gen of parents would be more in tune and aware of things like parental trauma and it would make for better growth and mental health focus, but I swear it's just made us easier to manipulate and control.

Kids are scary.

 

[Euphoria]

I don't think anyone that say "I hate being a parent" means "I hate my kid." Besides, the child probably won't or shouldn't hear it. It doesn't make it any less true. And sometimes parents just need to vent.

I find some people take to being parents better and some don't. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to being a happy or miserable parent.

My wife and I both have stressful and demanding jobs. But we used to be able to cope because we didn't have kids and could wind down in the evening. We didn't realize just how demanding a single child would be. She needs attention 24/7 when she's home. She struggles entertaining herself even at 6.5 years old. And when you just need a little mental break and you can't get it.... it starts to snowball. We've been struggling wit mental health issues for a few years now with no end in sight. Perhaps a career change might help, but at this point a career change is impossible once you have a kid and you have a certain level of income you need to hit.

Click to shrink...

I get that. It's just that it's a thought I wouldn't ever imagine crossing my mind.

It's stressful for sure. Parenting is tough.

 

[Jamesways]

Seriously, they turn into little masterminds. It's incredible to see though.

Click to shrink...

When my older girl was 6 I told her I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She asked not even for a few million dollars? I said no, of course not.

Her response was "dad, if that ever comes up, take the money. I'll find my way back and we'll split it"

Little gangster
LOL

 

[RepairmanJack]

I get that. It's just that it's a thought I wouldn't ever imagine crossing my mind.

It's stressful for sure. Parenting is tough.

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I always feel like parents with this kind of sentiment usually grew up with some kind of idolization of parenting or thought that parenting is this special thing, but most the time I'm out here just trying to have a kid with less parental trauma and issues than I grew up with.

People who end up realizing they hate parenting aren't ever saying they hate their kid, or hate that they had a kid, it's just a realization that parenting is a shit situation and kids don't make it any easier.

 

[CloseTalker]

I don't have it in me to be a parent at all, I just don't think I'm built that way. I love hearing all of these stories though, it's sweet

 

[Galaxea]

it is hard and I question if I'm doing a good job sometimes but my five year old adores me and I adore her. She's my kid but also my friend. She's a little comedian and a math nerd. My wife and I are now pondering one more kid.

Don't beat yourself up. It only gets better and even the hard times are rewarding because you grow to bond and love them even more.

 

[RepairmanJack]

Random story I always love telling to describe how much of a stubborn nightmare my kid is.

From day 1 my kid hated going to sleep. We had to get swaddlers that velcrowed because she would wrangle out of regular blanket swaddles. Until about 6-7 months she was up ever 2 hours on the dot and would be a fight to get back to sleep. When she got to about 6 months she started walking and climbing. Crazy early, she's short and strong and basically born a gymnast. But these things coupled with a stubborn 6 month old who absolutely hates going to sleep and it's a nightmare. One night something happens to our baby monitor and it's either turned off or unplugged. I suddenly stir awake at 2am (you panic when you get used to waking ever 2 hours and suddenly you don't have that) and turn on the monitor. My kid is sitting with her back against the door knocking on it repeatedly while half asleep saying "mommy....mommy..." drowzily.

She was like the fucking terminator absolutely determined to get out of her room and not go to sleep. Her room was an absolute wreck as well. She had basically torn everything in the room apart and was trying to stack everything by the door in order to get the door open. She actually would have gotten the door open if all the stuff she pilled to the door wasn't blocking it.

Now imagine this stubbornness and determination in a snotty 6 year old that's smart and can manipulate the hell out of her family members? She's a god damn terrorist!

 

[HiLife]

Sounds stressful.

*goes to sleep responsibility free*

Spoiler

I think being an uncle has been the sweet spot between being a friend/mentor as opposed to the duties of the parent.

 

[loco]

Every baby and kid is different. There is no predicting their personality and overall temperament. For me it got a whole lot easier once they were both over 5 and going to school every day. If you're kids / babies are healthy and don't have any serious medical conditions then you are driving on east street for all I'm concerned. Imagine having 3+ kids and they all have autism? A friend of mine is in that situation and her husband killed himself a few years ago because he couldn't handle it anymore. The state now helps out with respite but mentally she's not in a good space. She knows she will be taking care of at least 2 of her children well into their adulthood.

 

[Ouroboros]

Parent of a 3 year old and a 1 year old. It is very tough, but those special moments with them make it worth it. Keep fighting the good fight.

 

[Zippedpinhead]

Four kids (9, 7, 5, and 1.5 yrs old) and all boys.

We are busy all weekend, 4 out of 5 week nights, and Its HARD! but there is just something about them hugging you when you get home from work Or when you see them succeed at doing something a week before they couldn't do.


Strollers suck, we struggled with them through the first three kids, then with no4 we bought a stroller that collapses and opens with one hand. Game changer (despite the price).

 

[Akahige]

I've been a parent for three months. I love every moment but I can't say it's been easy and I know it's calm before the storm. My wife and I were both wild children, I'm only guessing we will be getting some sort of karma payback.

 

[jackie daytona]

I've been a parent for three months. I love every moment but I can't say it's been easy and I know it's calm before the storm. My wife and I were both wild children, I'm only guessing we will be getting some sort of karma payback.

Click to shrink...

Man, I don't want to scare you, but those infant months were heaven compared to toddler hell. It's no joke, once they start crawling and walking, it's all hands on deck.

 

[Akahige]

Man, I don't want to scare you, but those infant months were heaven compared to toddler hell. It's no joke, once they start crawling and walking, it's all hands on deck.

Click to shrink...

Yeah we keep getting told that from friends with kids, mentally preparing. We have a really great support system through my mom and my wife's extended family, perks of being first baby in the family in years so at least we have people ready to babysit and bring her places when she gets a bit older.

 

[jackie daytona]

Yeah we keep getting told that from friends with kids, mentally preparing. We have a really great support system through my mom and my wife's extended family, perks of being first baby in the family in years so at least we have people ready to babysit and bring her places when she gets a bit older.

Click to shrink...

Yeah the only advice I have is to be cognizant of your own mental health/stress levels, and don't be afraid to lean on your family.

Our daughter was a Covid baby, so we had the whole pregnancy + first 10 months or so solo. Even now that we're in FL, my parents are about an hour away.

Daycare is a godsend. It was so stressful sending her off to be taken care of by strangers, but she's loving it now and finally getting good naps in.

 

[Birbo]

Having kids is def not easy, but it's also the most rewarding thing ever. Mine bring me such joy and sense of purpose...mostly. :)

I remember when my daughter was about 3-4 and had a miserable cold. I felt awful for her. Had her tucked in bed and I was making goofy faces to cheer her up. At one point she laughed and snot shot from her nose directly into my open mouth.

We went 2 kids back to back lmao sometimes it's a fucking nightmare

Click to shrink...

My kids are 20 months apart. It can be rough early on, but when they get a little older it's like having a live in best friend (at least it was for my kids). It can pay off later, so hang in there.

Pfhhh wait until they're teens. My life was already sideways now it's upside down.

Click to shrink...

My two are teens now and it's a whole new ballgame. My son works, has a girlfriend, and just finished his first year of college. I hardly see him and miss hanging out with him.

 

[maximumzero]

I wish I could share photos of my daughter without internet weirdos running off with them

 

[Mr. Snuffleupagus]

Dog parent here and I used to be a kindergarten teacher for 3.5 years so I'm more than aware of how my live would change if I had children.

I'm good for now.

 

[Puggles]

Yeah I'm ending my family's name. Decided long ago kids weren't for me.

 

[Browser]

The hardest part for me is the constant worrying. Of anything that may hurt them, phisically or mentally, either of things I do or other people do.imagine being in this constant state of alert and worry for 7 years, and knowing it will never stop.