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Be honest, how much do you care about external validation?

ToddBonzalez

ToddBonzalez

The Pyramids? That's nothing compared to RDR2
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,530
Do you care how others perceive and respond to you any of the following areas?
-How much money you make
-How cool or important your job is
- How attractive or accomplished you are
- How attractive or accomplished your SO is
- How much fun you appear to be having in your life
- The material possessions you own
- How popular you are IRL or on social media
- etc?

To be honest, I fall into this trap a bit too often myself, doing things simply because I know others might be envious or give me praise. It's a definitely a shitty mindset to be in, but it seems like it might just be human nature to some extent...?

How much do you care about and/or seek external validation? For those that struggle with this, what techniques do you use to disregard the need for external validation?
 
Nanashrew

Nanashrew

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,328
Since this is in gaming side, you should probably add trophies and achievements to your list too.
 

Deleted member 8593

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
27,176
I think it's impossible to work in journalism without wanting a little bit of validation, even if it's just confirmation that your work matters. So yeah, I do seek it to some degree.
 
defaltoption

defaltoption

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
11,486
Austin
I care about all of those things to a degree just not what others think about them. I don't think anyone truly doesn't care what others think about them actually its more of how much do you let what they think affect you and whatever you call that, mine is low.


I also like trophy/achievement hunting
 
Fallen92

Fallen92

Member
Oct 26, 2017
215
California
Damn OP this is what you get for posting on gaming. Moving on to your question, I think this kind of thinking is common for a lot of people growing up but once you get older it starts to not matter. The people who would judge me or care so much about what I do aren't people who I'm gonna be socializing with much so I just do what makes me happy. Plus when these type of people see you not reacting to their input they tend to not have anything else to say and just stop talking to me which is a plus.
 
Jebral

Jebral

Member
Oct 29, 2017
389
1) With age I find this becomes less of a factor.

2) You can only be beaten down so much before you stop making the comparison for your own good.
 
AllMight1

AllMight1

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,719
this question really depends from person to person, and caring for external validation or not doesnt make anyone less.

I care NONE about external validation. The way I dress, the way I look, how long my hair is, i look like a hobo at times, and i don't care about it. I go everywhere in sandals even on winter.
But my brother, he cares about the way he looks and the way he's perceived, and he's extremely successful on all accounts on his life.

These things don't matter and they don't really add value to your person.



Sabretooth said:
I don't give a shit what you think of me, person who's reading this

Did I do it right?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Yes you did you best Demon's souls girl
 
Pau

Pau

Self-Appointed Godmother of Bruce Wayne's Children
Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,846
ToddBonzalez said:
- How attractive or accomplished you are
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Spent way too much time agonizing over both of these, particularly the first. It's tough to grow up in a culture when as a girl your looks are your most important attribute. I still care about it nowadays, but I'm too busy for it to get me down like it did before.

For the latter, I think in general though I like to fantasize about being amazing as "revenge" to the people who bullied me when I was younger. But when I really thought about it, those people didn't bully me because of anything I did but rather who I am. I was a "stupid spic" then, and even if I have "objective" proof of my intelligence, they would find a way to rationalize that I'm still just a "stupid spic" who doesn't know her place.
 

Deleted member 36578

Dec 21, 2017
26,561
I don't know how this was instilled in me but I don't give a damn how anyone views me. It may be a blessing and curse because I don't strive for things either. I'm content and happy with what I have in life.
 
TacomaSCDisaster

TacomaSCDisaster

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,969
A lot!

My self-worth and self-esteem have always been awful so I kind of depend on it if I ever hope to feel good about myself!

It's unhealthy!
 
z0m3le

z0m3le

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,418
So the trick is to be grateful about the stuff you have, I also don't respect people's general opinions much, I respect expert opinions on different things, and no one is the expert on me but myself? so maybe that is why I don't care about what others think.

Really, it just comes down to the realization that everyone has an opinion, most are ill-formed, and even the ones that are well formed, might not apply to you, as you might value things differently than they do, time vs money for example. My best friend works 50% more than I do, minimum and has to travel for work, but makes twice what I make. I spend my time with my hobbies and he generally only has some time on the weekends that he isn't on call, usually just plays games. Everything has a trade off, and you should just look around to see what you are grateful for and chase those things. 'Money never bought a moment of time' so make sure you don't waste your life looking for validation, happiness scientifically comes from inside yourself, and can be found in virtually any situation.

It's ok to not be perfect, to feel broken, to not look how you think others want you to look, you only have to answer to future versions of yourself. We are all caught up in turning our inferiority into strengths, but I think that inferiority only exists in our heads, and only matters in the heads that you let it matter to. You should take control of your life and find what you enjoy, and spend your time and effort making sure it's a part of your life.

Here, this video was released at a perfect time for this thread, it should help explain why you might feel dissatisfied:


EDIT: So I'm a min-max-er as a gamer, I tend to find what I like about say a combat system, and maximize my character/play-style around that aspect of the game's system. I just realized I look at myself and others that way, I don't really care about x, y or z. I tend to look at people's stand out qualities and think of them in that light, I was just thinking of those spread graphs and how I don't really care about average numbers, but think of the person's "stats" that they have maxed out, if you think about a memory with someone, you don't really remember those average qualities, but that part of their personality/character that stood out. Interesting that I never really thought of it before. Ok, done rambling.
 
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Deleted member 41178

User requested account closure
Banned
Mar 18, 2018
2,903
A lot, part of it comes down to wanting my parents to know I'm doing well so they don't have to worry about myself and my family. I guess the other part of it comes from being very ambitious and to get where I want to get to people have to see me as successful because that opens up a whole bunch of doors.
 
TAJ

TAJ

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
12,446
Well, these days I don't even see half of the population as human, so legitimately near-zero.
 
jsnepo

jsnepo

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
4,648
Not at all. What bothers me is how ungenuine a lof of people are. Not can be but are.
 
desu

desu

Member
Oct 27, 2017
539
I think everyone is looking for external validation to some extent (knowingly or unknowingly).

Having said that, mostly nope, because people don't give a shit about you anyway.
 
olag

olag

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
2,106
Bothers me when it comes to dating......outside that I generally don't care.
 
Umbrella Carp

Umbrella Carp

Banned
Jan 16, 2019
3,265
- How much money you make - No. I'm poor and that's the end of it. Don't like it? There's the door.
- How cool or important your job is - No. I've been in enough shit jobs now to know I just can't care about this.
- How attractive or accomplished you are - Yes, in terms of dating at least.
- How attractive or accomplished your SO is - Yes and no. You can't be an asshole but you have to have some standards as well.
- How much fun you appear to be having in your life - Nah. See the response below about social media.
- The material possessions you own - Nah. My bedroom is very minimalist apart from all the gadgets.
- How popular you are IRL or on social media - Fuck no. Dumped Facebook over a year ago and haven't looked back, despite friends nagging me about it. I don't even have a life worth showing off, never mind any desire to actually do so.
 
Budi

Budi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,883
Finland
Well, I haven't really had most of those things in my life in a meaningful way, so I've stopped worrying about it. if I at some time did. Of course getting (unfairly) judged still can feel bad and it can give a hit to self-esteem. I'm not a look at me/envy me kind of person, I'm rather bad at taking a compliment to begin with. Obviously I care what my friends and closest family thinks of me, but that has nothing to do with my looks, status and possessions etc.
 
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Spence

Spence

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,119
Sweden
There are different kind of validation, for example if you put down a lot of work into something that benefits others it's nice to be recognised for it even if that wasn't the main reason you did it.
 
OP
OP
ToddBonzalez

ToddBonzalez

The Pyramids? That's nothing compared to RDR2
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,530
Spence said:
There are different kind of validation, for example if you put down a lot of work into something that benefits others it's nice to be recognised for it even if that wasn't the main reason you did it.
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Yeah there's definitely a line between appreciating recognition and seeking validation. IMO the line gets crossed when validation is a major motivation for doing something, rather than a thing that just so happens to come after the fact.
 
Alastor3

Alastor3

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 28, 2017
8,297
I care too much, especially my friends and my past love interest.

It's ruinning my walet.
 
AgentLampshade

AgentLampshade

Sweet Commander
Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,309
I think my biggest hang-up is deliberately going out of my way to not piss people off, when I could instead stand to be more assertive. Yeah sure I get on well with everyone, but I fear I never leave much of an impression, and that escalates when I do bust my ass on something and barely receive so much as a "well done." It's not to some ridiculous "please love me!" level, but it is disheartening.
 

Deleted member 82

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,626
Am I the only one who both does and doesn't care, in a way?

Like, I kinda want to accomplish something great and be recognized for it, but at the same time, once people actually compliment me, I'm like "okay". Those don't do much for me for some reason.
 
Good4Squat

Good4Squat

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
3,148
I've kind of given up on it and i'm mostly just doing my own thing. Fitting in and being part of the crowd most of the time isn't for me.
 
Dan Thunder

Dan Thunder

Member
Nov 2, 2017
14,048
I only care about it if it's not true. If someone was spreading lies about me I'd be bothered but if someone slated me and I could see their view, even if I didn't agree with it, I wouldn't be bothered.

Maybe it's an age thing. I'm 42 now and I find I care less and less what people think about me. It's probably because I find the pool of family/friends I interact with has shrunk but they're stronger relationships now so the view of people outside that pool makes no difference to my life.
 
Pau

Pau

Self-Appointed Godmother of Bruce Wayne's Children
Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,846
Kilrogg said:
Am I the only one who both does and doesn't care, in a way?

Like, I kinda want to accomplish something great and be recognized for it, but at the same time, once people actually compliment me, I'm like "okay". Those don't do much for me for some reason.
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I'm like this but it's probably because I don't really believe people when they compliment me, or I rationalize my accomplishments as stuff that I shouldn't be proud of.
 
Braag

Braag

Member
Nov 7, 2017
1,908
Don't really care about most of those points.
I know some people who hit all those marks and it's really cringey talking to them. Like they try to act all superior but at the same time desperatly try to seek validation.
 
GamerJM

GamerJM

Member
Nov 8, 2017
15,630
Too much and I wish it wasn't that way. I think capitalism is bullshit yet I want to be successful because I want the validation. My self esteem has shot up this year because I made friends who admire me and am potentially entering a relationship with someone who finds me attractive (emotionally/sexually/romantically).
 
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