Scorn/Judgment, my parents are Chinese immigrants, they didn't really have the most enlightened takes on other races
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
Be Honest, How many of you had AntiRacist teaching at home from parents/family?
- Thread starter DigitalOp
- Start date
My mom's friend from University married someone from Africa and the first friends I ever made outside of my own family were black.
It's just that even then, my surroundings taught me racism. One time when I was 5, when I threw a tantrum I called one of them the n-word and both their parents and my parents had stern talks with me about that word.
And like despite all that, I won't use that as a crutch to be racist nor pretend I don't see race. I am not black, and the world around you teaches you racism, so I won't pretend I am immune to that influence just as no one is. I just think it's however thus a personal decision if you acknowledge the hatred the world teaches you and try to consciously work against that or just pretend the problem doesn't exist in the first place and remain ignorant to how much our white society is built around specifically putting ourselves above people who are different than us.
It's just that even then, my surroundings taught me racism. One time when I was 5, when I threw a tantrum I called one of them the n-word and both their parents and my parents had stern talks with me about that word.
And like despite all that, I won't use that as a crutch to be racist nor pretend I don't see race. I am not black, and the world around you teaches you racism, so I won't pretend I am immune to that influence just as no one is. I just think it's however thus a personal decision if you acknowledge the hatred the world teaches you and try to consciously work against that or just pretend the problem doesn't exist in the first place and remain ignorant to how much our white society is built around specifically putting ourselves above people who are different than us.
From a British Asian Muslim family, my mum wears a headscarf and I always watched the news so I kinda just learnt stuff myself.
My extended family can get pretty racist at times, my mum made clear that it was wrong and to never repeat what your uncles say.
One memory that always comes to mind is my brother rapping along to a song that had the n-word in it, he was 13 and I was 9. My mum was in the room, heard it and my brother stopped and looked at me, my mum took off her slipper and started to swear at him and chased him around the house, eventually throwing the slipper but missing(I'm pretty sure on purpose) Ended with my brother apologising and me laughing.
My extended family can get pretty racist at times, my mum made clear that it was wrong and to never repeat what your uncles say.
One memory that always comes to mind is my brother rapping along to a song that had the n-word in it, he was 13 and I was 9. My mum was in the room, heard it and my brother stopped and looked at me, my mum took off her slipper and started to swear at him and chased him around the house, eventually throwing the slipper but missing(I'm pretty sure on purpose) Ended with my brother apologising and me laughing.
I know, I could go on but it's some vile shit. I'm relieved and thankful I wasn't inculcated with this shit.
So True story. (30s M suburban whitey here)
When I was a kid, ABC preempted Saturday morning cartoons one time with a special called "Prejudice with Peter Jennings". It was a standard 90s -ism PSA where Jennings talked to a bunch of kids about why it was wrong to judge people based on their color or disabilities or differences.
My dad not only made us watch, but then doubled down, came into the room after and said "sthef360, you're finishing your breakfast facing the corner because you're the oldest. And don't even think about dessert until you've finished every crumb". He then went to my sister, took her bowl and replaced it with ice cream because she was "the youngest".
This went on for a little bit til my dad came back in, gathered us around and explained that what I had just experienced was prejudice, based on an arbitrary attribute.
Had a similar lesson in 3rd grade where us brown eyed kids were forced to sit in the hall, while the blue eyed kids got recess. Same ending to that one.
Not sure what my sister or the blu eyed kids were supposed to get out of any of that. But at the very least I had adults that tried...
When I was a kid, ABC preempted Saturday morning cartoons one time with a special called "Prejudice with Peter Jennings". It was a standard 90s -ism PSA where Jennings talked to a bunch of kids about why it was wrong to judge people based on their color or disabilities or differences.
My dad not only made us watch, but then doubled down, came into the room after and said "sthef360, you're finishing your breakfast facing the corner because you're the oldest. And don't even think about dessert until you've finished every crumb". He then went to my sister, took her bowl and replaced it with ice cream because she was "the youngest".
This went on for a little bit til my dad came back in, gathered us around and explained that what I had just experienced was prejudice, based on an arbitrary attribute.
Had a similar lesson in 3rd grade where us brown eyed kids were forced to sit in the hall, while the blue eyed kids got recess. Same ending to that one.
Not sure what my sister or the blu eyed kids were supposed to get out of any of that. But at the very least I had adults that tried...
I'm mixed and my country is very diversified, so in my childhood they said almost nothing, I learned by osmose, only when I grew older my father started touching in this subject on how he suffered a lot for being black(and of course I already knew that).
And mom's family, who are mostly white, have some racists, so I'm lucky for spending most of my childhood with my father's family part.
And mom's family, who are mostly white, have some racists, so I'm lucky for spending most of my childhood with my father's family part.
I don't think how my parents raised me fits in the poll options. They were very up front about abhorrent use of the n-word and how it should never be, very up front about civil rights and how it didn't have the intended affects of solving the issue, but also like still pretty racist in how they treated Middle Eastern/Muslim Americans after 9/11 and then really doubled down really hardcore with Obama in 2008 (I was born in 1995). So like an overall mixed bag, they didn't do a good job, but compared to what schools teach in Louisiana for state history and the civil war, I was on better footing with reality than most down here.
Aside from my aunt telling my grandma to stop using the term "colored" there weren't lessons on anything. They thought school would teach me everything.
I learned everything from cartoons and whatever teachers taught. And then after 6th grade, the demo changed to somewhere 80% black, so you learn stuff there. But I never really processed any of it until later.
I learned everything from cartoons and whatever teachers taught. And then after 6th grade, the demo changed to somewhere 80% black, so you learn stuff there. But I never really processed any of it until later.
I'm from a town in north West England which was and still is overwhelmingly white population. My family's racism wasn't black people, because we never saw anyone who wasn't white. Our TV and media watching was white, our reading, our schools, all white Etc.
I'm not American, but I was brought up to be a decent human being and to learn about the world, which included the intellectual curiosity to eventually understand how things like systemic prejudice work, and consciously recognizing in-group/out-group biases. I was never given any sort of specific curriculum for what seemingly passes as the term "antiracism" these days, and I think a lot of the conversation around that stuff in 2020 varies from well meaning to downright infantilizing and poisonous (at least among what I call "Twitter Liberals").
I also spent a large chunk of my high school years as part of the punk scene in my city, reading stuff like Adbusters, Noam Chomsky, etc. Which also certainly influenced my social development.
I also spent a large chunk of my high school years as part of the punk scene in my city, reading stuff like Adbusters, Noam Chomsky, etc. Which also certainly influenced my social development.
I'm half-black so my parents made sure to teach me about racism and the truth of this country. Also my parents, my mother especially, are very active progressives. My mother has marched in many of the recent BLM protests.
My dad tried to warn me that his parents were racist when I was a very young kid and it took me until I was like 13 to realize what he meant. Beyond the "Memere doesn't like black people" stories, most of what I got from my parents was "don't be an asshole to other people over things they can't control".
I think the first time I was ever consciously aware of real-world racism though was in high school, when the department head of my school's history department called one of my classmates of Chinese descent the g-word to his face in the middle of class and laughed about it. I don't know why it made me as angry as it did, but I yelled at him in the middle of class and then told the principal on the teacher.
I think the first time I was ever consciously aware of real-world racism though was in high school, when the department head of my school's history department called one of my classmates of Chinese descent the g-word to his face in the middle of class and laughed about it. I don't know why it made me as angry as it did, but I yelled at him in the middle of class and then told the principal on the teacher.
Something between basic admission and nothing.
I've actually gained more respect for my mom as she displays empathy and a willingness to learn about social issues she was ignorant of, eventhough she's now in her late 60s.
She just got blocked by her first long time Facebook friend, who is a complete trump cultist, for calling them out and trying to get them to share their reasoning. I was a bit proud. My dad and step mom are very centrist republicans who will vote for biden. I dont remember any race talk from them growing up. I had very little contact with minorities growing up and don't remember any effort to correct that.
I've actually gained more respect for my mom as she displays empathy and a willingness to learn about social issues she was ignorant of, eventhough she's now in her late 60s.
She just got blocked by her first long time Facebook friend, who is a complete trump cultist, for calling them out and trying to get them to share their reasoning. I was a bit proud. My dad and step mom are very centrist republicans who will vote for biden. I dont remember any race talk from them growing up. I had very little contact with minorities growing up and don't remember any effort to correct that.
Nothing, but the state I'm from is super white (especially when I was a kid). There were like 5 black people that went to my high school and a handful of Hispanic people. I never really thought about it growing up, despite on of my better friends being one of the few black people that I went to elementary through high school with. One of my uncles is black and it never really occurred to me that people really think differently of other races until I was a little bit older (like Jr. High).
If I had been brought up in a more diverse area and problems from that were more a part of daily life, it might have been more of an issue for my parents to talk to me about.
If I had been brought up in a more diverse area and problems from that were more a part of daily life, it might have been more of an issue for my parents to talk to me about.
so, i was born in mobile alabama in the early nineties. i was lucky enough to have thoughtful woke ass teachers even in elementary school that went out of their way to discuss the realities of racism in ways that made complete sense to me even as like, a 6 year old. my parents, on the other hand were at best diet racist, and whenever i tried to bring up anything regarding race at home, they were pretty dismissive and dropped the whole 'racism is over' spiel, which even as little more than a baby i knew was bullshit, especially considering my best friend was black girl and i saw how differently she was treated by our peers and even some authority figures. definitely a loss of innocence moment for me in terms of my relationship with my family.
For disclosure, born in the mid-90s, lived with a mostly-white family in suburban New York.
Ultimately D, but in truth a mix of B and D, in the sense that my parents didn't actively teach me anti-racism or anti-bigotry but passively encouraged the fairytale passed along in school. My parents are both late boomers/early Gen X and in hindsight it's been fascinating how much of said fairytale started with them, how much of the bullshit they gaslit themselves with in their youth and have tried to regurgitate to me and my sister. Growing up in mostly-minority public schools and with a pretty shit Irish Catholic church benefitted the both of us immensely.
Ultimately D, but in truth a mix of B and D, in the sense that my parents didn't actively teach me anti-racism or anti-bigotry but passively encouraged the fairytale passed along in school. My parents are both late boomers/early Gen X and in hindsight it's been fascinating how much of said fairytale started with them, how much of the bullshit they gaslit themselves with in their youth and have tried to regurgitate to me and my sister. Growing up in mostly-minority public schools and with a pretty shit Irish Catholic church benefitted the both of us immensely.
I went to a school like this. I knew three black kids TOTAL growing up and a small handful of Asian and Latino folks. My home state is so white I LITERALLY went to college out of state just so I could meet people from other cultures. Like that was half the reason I went to college where I did and why I moved to Chicago after graduating.
My parents were very "set it and forget it" for most things. The idea of being taught something, or having a "conversation" with them as a kid, kind of baffles me. Like you get instruction when you're little, which mostly boils down to "don't be an asshole" and other staples about education and exercise and how to treat people, but after that you just sort of figure stuff out for yourself. Specifics like racism I learned more through osmosis (media, other kids, watching adults) than being "taught" anything.
Poor-ish white millennial, for the record.
Poor-ish white millennial, for the record.
I voted D. Just general treat other people nicely. Everything else they left to tv, I'm not American so thankfully not fox news.
Although actually we have black/mixed race people in our family and after seeing something on TV my parents once explained people used to be against interracial relationships and used them as an example, I remember being really confused about why they'd think that.
Although actually we have black/mixed race people in our family and after seeing something on TV my parents once explained people used to be against interracial relationships and used them as an example, I remember being really confused about why they'd think that.
Growing up, it was a mix of the fairytale and scorn. From a Colombian immigrant perspective though. Most of my family easily passes as white, so they really cling to that.
Nowadays, my dad has been pretty radicalized in comparison. Or he was before but didn't want to fight with my mom. He's not willing to correct family members and friends when they say racist shit, but when we are alone we talk about anti-racism. My mom is still on the whole "I'm not racist but..." train. She has a very hard time being called out on racist thinking.
Nowadays, my dad has been pretty radicalized in comparison. Or he was before but didn't want to fight with my mom. He's not willing to correct family members and friends when they say racist shit, but when we are alone we talk about anti-racism. My mom is still on the whole "I'm not racist but..." train. She has a very hard time being called out on racist thinking.
My parents were simple folks with no college education and blue collar work ethics. They raised my sister and I to be good people that treated everyone with respect. They didn't tolerate racism in our house or around us. My racists ass, alcoholic grandfather routinely dropped the n-word around us and my mother would yell at him and remind my sister and I how awful and degrading that language is. We also rarely saw my grandfather because of this. I feel like my parents did the absolute best they could with the knowledge they possesed, and honestly, that's what we should all expect from one another. The key is, once you learn the truth to start applying it moving forward and be better. What my parents taught me in terms of decency I'm passing down to my children with the added layer of a deeper knowledge of systemic racism and what it means. Instead of the simple "racism is bad, don't use slurs, don't judge based on skin color", it's that plus, "Policing isn't always fair to every citizen, our schools don't teach the whole truth, and colleges/insitutions/employers are also filled with layers of systemic racism/sexism/corruption/etc". The hard part as a parent now is when/how to introduce these more complex concepts to younger kids. My daughter is 7, we're starting with the basics, but we've already explained to her why Christopher Columbus is a fuckwad, why the George Floyd/social justice protests are happening, and why Donald Trump is a bad person. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but my parents basic lessons to me as a child laid the groundwork for the next generation of our family to be even more informed.
White English person here. I absorbed my knowledge on racism through media and the internet. I'd say my parents are more not racist than anti racist, but there's not much of an activist streak in either of them. Think it's that classic white privilege thing of those issues never popping up in my childhood so we as a collective never had to think about it.
Very thankful that we can talk about stuff without any conservative frothing at the mouth.
Very thankful that we can talk about stuff without any conservative frothing at the mouth.
Only 1 of my siblings are white so there was probably more teaching us on why we are treated differently than why others are, but even then probably not a ton was said overall. We were just taught to be very empathetic really. It wasn't until 3rd grade when my teacher really laid it down on what it meant to be black in America and it stuck with me ever since. Thinking about it she must have really went off the books because I vividly remember wanting to cry because of what she was showing us. 3rd grade was crazy for me lmao.
OP
OP
whoo that's pretty dang heavy for a young kid to hear. He did not mince words, wow
I'm just happy you escaped that bubble and didn't get dragged in, thanks for sharing
Yeah, everyone can't totally fit into a neat category, more often than not it's gonna be mix of a few to make the full picture
Pretty deep on A. Explaining why things are the way they are to great depth for specific races. The origins of anti-semitism, anecdotes and history of anti-Black racism, etc.
Black people have always been poor and clustered in urban areas, and yet we are some of the most prominent arbiters of anti-racial philosophy.
So, you know, this pivot to classism is bullshit.
My (white hippie Canadian) parents didn't sit down and have a talk with me but I do think they went beyond just basic admission, especially by '80s standards. They would often point out and complain about racism against various groups, and sometimes it was in subtle ways I wouldn't have picked up on at that age had they not mentioned it. It was a huge shock going to other kids' houses and hearing their parents say racist stuff. I did end up marrying a dark skinned woman and that wasn't an issue at all with my family. Even my grandparents were progressive for their age group.
I think the first time I really ever personally experienced the difference in which black people versus white people are treated was in high school. We all had our drivers licenses and I was with my friend who is black driving through town. I used to speed a lot when I was in my teens and he said something about me speeding and how he can't ever speed because the police would pull him over for going just a few MPH over the limit. Basically any excuse to pull him over. I never had that fear.
I had literally nothing, and my dad asked why I was listening to "Black people music" when I'd listen to Will Smith in middle school. Luckily, he's come a very long way since then.
think hes saying sitting down teaching you stuff sounds very leave it to beaver
my parents taught me the old school "everyone must be treated equally, we don't see color" leftists approach
it's important to note that we don't talk about "races" here, though, that is kinda frowned upon since hitler, we talk about nationalities, color of skin and ethnicities
it's important to note that we don't talk about "races" here, though, that is kinda frowned upon since hitler, we talk about nationalities, color of skin and ethnicities
From Finland. I voted nothing cause it's the closest of the bunch. Finland had almost no non-whites until the 80s so we don't have the same kind of history as the States. My parents were very tolerant in the days standards in the 90s. Both had to deal with neonazis because of their work (special ed and youth social work) so they were aware of the major issues. Our social circles and our church were multicultural and we lived in a non-white majority country for 2 years. I also have an adopted sister.
Still I wouldn't say we talked a lot about it and as a sociology major, I can say in hindsight that it was nothing compared what I nowadays consider antiracist education. It was basically just that open racism was scorned upon but not much else.
Still I wouldn't say we talked a lot about it and as a sociology major, I can say in hindsight that it was nothing compared what I nowadays consider antiracist education. It was basically just that open racism was scorned upon but not much else.
Treat everyone with respect and kindness and doing anything else is unbecoming of a Christian.
When I first heard about slavery in 2nd or 3rd grade I didn't believe it was real for quite some time.
When I first heard about slavery in 2nd or 3rd grade I didn't believe it was real for quite some time.
I grew up in the country and didn't come in contact with many minorities at all so it just never came up. made me surprised when i learned my parents were racist
Yup. In my hometown the cops were friendly and nice to everyone, at least that's what we thought. It took me a fair while to realize that the friendly DARE cop they bring into schools to meet kids is basically just propaganda.
The insane part of it all is that my hometown was also the seat of one of New England's largest drug rings and remains paralyzed by drug addiction to this day. The kingpin of that ring was the coach of my fucking rival soccer team when I was in middle school.
It was about 95% nothing (it mostly didn't come up), then like 3% basic admission from my mom and 1% each fairytale and scorn from my dad. (Context: I'm from Mississippi.)
When I was really young, I had a black nanny/babysitter, and I also remember my parents occasionally taking me over to her house to play with her kids (grandkids? I was like 5, I don't remember specifics). There was also this black guy that was usually the guy my dad hired to do yard work, etc.
My dad would casually say some pretty racist stuff, with casual n-words, though, and my mom, who is comparatively "woke" for her generation, would always fuss at him about it. (This still happens if it comes up. -_- ) I got a lot more of my outlook on things in general from my mom than my dad, and honestly I think these interactions between my parents were the main way that I picked up on that kind of stuff not being okay.
Basically all of the history side of things (to the extent that it was touched on, which...in hindsight, wasn't much), I had to get from school. In typical Mississippi fashion, we got the "Civil War was about states' rights" take, of course.
When I was really young, I had a black nanny/babysitter, and I also remember my parents occasionally taking me over to her house to play with her kids (grandkids? I was like 5, I don't remember specifics). There was also this black guy that was usually the guy my dad hired to do yard work, etc.
My dad would casually say some pretty racist stuff, with casual n-words, though, and my mom, who is comparatively "woke" for her generation, would always fuss at him about it. (This still happens if it comes up. -_- ) I got a lot more of my outlook on things in general from my mom than my dad, and honestly I think these interactions between my parents were the main way that I picked up on that kind of stuff not being okay.
Basically all of the history side of things (to the extent that it was touched on, which...in hindsight, wasn't much), I had to get from school. In typical Mississippi fashion, we got the "Civil War was about states' rights" take, of course.
Very much the fairytale. Everything's good, posters of little cartoon white and brown kids holding hands, did you know that MLK had a dream, etc.
With dashes of C, since because racism is over black victims of oppression are just bringing it on themselves by being lazy, uneducated, etc.
With dashes of C, since because racism is over black victims of oppression are just bringing it on themselves by being lazy, uneducated, etc.
My parents were quite vocal about highlighting injustice, discrimination, and racism in the world, especially for the period of my childhood that we lived in the US. My father particularly, as he came from a Catholic family in Northern Ireland.
They probably could have done even more, but I'm appreciative that I got some education on the issue when I was a kid.
They probably could have done even more, but I'm appreciative that I got some education on the issue when I was a kid.
I've heard the line "there is a difference between black people and n-words" since I was probably six. A lot of talk as well about how our long term black family friend was "one of the good ones". Few racist sayings as well thrown in.
So I had none. My parents dislike hard talks, so that just makes it worse. I've never had a birds and the bees talk and when I discovered porn at 13, I was scolded for it.
So I had none. My parents dislike hard talks, so that just makes it worse. I've never had a birds and the bees talk and when I discovered porn at 13, I was scolded for it.