Recently, I decided that even though I don't believe in astrology, I was going to try and learn more about it just because I couldn't understand astrological charts because they looked too complicated-- I hated the idea that something like astrology would be too complex for me to get, so I just kinda jumped into it. Additionally, it helps with reading certain historical manuscripts.
Anyways, having decided that I was going to get into this, I needed free software that could do astrological calculations. I found two. Astrolog and Morinus. Both do most of the same stuff but have slightly different advanced features. But guys. Guys.
Do yourselves a favor and check out the
Astrolog Website. Really just... soak that juice in.
IT'S STILL PART OF A WEB RING.
So anyways, having downloaded my chosen program from this Geocities of the Stars, I get to putting in my birth date and latitude and longitude.
And it's just the worst thing ever straightaway. What do you MEAN Yin and Yang?! What do you MEAN Learn and Share? I've only got two Suc? What's... is that an insult?
So the first thing I have to do is figure out what everything means. I know I'm an Aries, so I realize that being an Aries means your sun is in Aries. "Your" sun happening to be where the sun was at at the time. The same applies to every planet. So, and it took me days to figure this out, the first thing you have to do is figure out what planets are in what constellation. That's apparently super important. Then, you look at the house each planet is in. No, the constellations are not the houses. No, I don't know why. It has to do with the Ascendant, I'm pretty sure, which is that horizontal line. It's what constellation is rising in the east. The not-quite-vertical line is the midheaven, which isn't quite vertical because I wasn't quite born on the equator.
So the next important thing is figuring out how "your" planets interact with each other. This has to do with the angles that they have with each other. That's what all the lines in the center grid of the chart are. There's conjuncts, squares, sextiles, trines, and oppositions. My chart appears to have all of those. There's also semisquares, semisextiles, and so on, but those just pretty much mean "they don't do any of the above." So when they're three zodiac signs (or houses?) away from each other, they're square. When they're four, they're trine. When they're six, they're opposite, when they're two, they're sextile. Squares and oppositions are bad. Trines and sextiles are good. Conjuncts can be either or. You may already be able to tell where this is going.
So if you say you're an Aries, that means that you have Aries traits, right? Wrong. Because only your sun is in Aries. You have to determine what your MOON is in. My moon was in Cancer. That's your inward self. Aries and cancer happen to be... pretty much opposites of each other, since Aries is a fire sign (hence the red) and Cancer is a water sign (hence the blue) and both are cardinal, meaning they're serious about that. You may also note that that means that Aquarius, the sign whose name means "water," is an air sign. Yes.
You may notice I'm not actually mentioning what any of the planetary configurations mean. That's because it's impossible to determine past the seven classical planets and not even then. Sun in Aries makes you an impulsive, and willful born leader. Moon in Cancer makes you a sensitive and emotional person. But then other places say that makes you passive instead and a bit of a follower. So... which is it.
We haven't even discussed the houses. So each house is supposed to give an answer to a question as to who you really are. The first house is who you really are. So I'm... moon and mars in first house. Mars in first house is supposed to make you strong and athletic. My body is the House of Usher in its final days on a good day. I can't run for two minutes without my throat deciding it's got better things to do than letting me breathe. I'm double-jointed at the shoulders so I can't, on a physical level, lift as much as other people. And it goes on and on from there. I... what? It's not the only place that's like this. Sun conjunct Venus means I'm an excellent lover. Neptune conjunct Uranus in the 7th house means that my relationships aren't at all conventional and are bumpy.
All this aside, all the information on the Internet about what these things mean is vague at best and contradictory at worst. Like if you tried to get Derren Brown to cold read you while but you concussed him a few times. Venus in 10th house means you're a natural artist in one website. On another, it means you're not much of a loving person and are devoted to your career (LOL if anybody knows me).
Also, the writing behind the modern planets is weird as hell. If you look up any chart details about the Pluto formerly known as a planet, you'll basically get nothing but descriptions of you as some weird omega-tier psyker. It's...
ridiculous. Every description of Pluto on your chart makes you sound like Paul Atreides. You know, that thing that's not a planet anymore. You may notice Ceres isn't on this chart either, by the way. Also, that horseshoe-looking cyan sign on my chart is my North Node. What's that mean? Has to do with the moon. Anyways, it's supposed to represent my destiny. It being in the sixth house is supposed to mean that my destiny involves the day-to-day, routine, and habitual. Whatever that really means. But then the modern planets instead describe a visionary.
My ultimate conclusion here, and what I want to, like... explain by doing this, isn't just that I don't get astrology. Although, I clearly don't. More to the point, I don't get how other people find this to be appealing. It clearly is a generator for about a million different traits and you pick which ones are important to you. That's where all this has been leading up to and what this is a system for. How has this persisted throughout millenia and in different cultures. It's entirely atavistic. Baked into the human experience. But why? Does our appetite for meaning and labeling so outstrip our capacity to just... actually connect with this?
There are people who get paid to do this. There are people who pay money to learn how to do this and get certified. There's a whole culture behind all this. And I just don't understand it.
EDIT: Oh, and as a postscript, of course I never find out what Yin, Yang, Learn, Share, or Suc have to do with anything.