-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
Anyone else hate when people hold a door open for them?
- Thread starter Shining Star
- Start date
I usually hold the door closed and shout "YOU'RE NOT WELCOME!" to totally avoid any misunderstandings like this, actually
I hold doors for people a lot but do not want or need gratitude just trying to be polite. I do understand people who do not like it though so if I ever have held the door for you OP I am sorry.
Not sure how the OP makes any better of a point than the subject line
OP, when someone hold a door for you, or other similar acts, that means the one doing it acknowledge you as a fellow human being.
If you pass without saying anything, or nodding to him, it means either that you take this is your due, which imply you see him as a lesser being compared to yourself, or that you see him as not worthy of your notice.
Do you not realise how insulting that is?
If you pass without saying anything, or nodding to him, it means either that you take this is your due, which imply you see him as a lesser being compared to yourself, or that you see him as not worthy of your notice.
Do you not realise how insulting that is?
Holding doors open is sexist.
Such a woke observation, your eyes must be tired from having to keep open all the time from this wokeness.
Such a woke observation, your eyes must be tired from having to keep open all the time from this wokeness.
It's very much a control thing, and if a man is holding the door for a women it's basically upholding the patriarchy. I'm surprised OP is getting dunked.
Wouldn't want to step on any toes, I will promptly start pulling all doors to as I pass through them. You're WELCOME, Shining Star .
Actually, related note, the other day I held the door while leaving while still talking to someone inside. Someone else passed and thanked me on their way in, and as I was mid conversation, I didn't even notice them prior or have the opportunity to say you're welcome or otherwise acknowledge them. I felt rude. It was silly.
I kid. I'm sorry that bothers you. I understand how it can be hard sometimes to summon the enthusiasm and energy to interact. Still, I'll probably keep doing it, if only because I'm very self centered and it's gratifying to think I'm helping someone, even if only just barely, even when they don't acknowledge my presence.
Actually, related note, the other day I held the door while leaving while still talking to someone inside. Someone else passed and thanked me on their way in, and as I was mid conversation, I didn't even notice them prior or have the opportunity to say you're welcome or otherwise acknowledge them. I felt rude. It was silly.
I read the op and my response would still the same.
Seriously what is wrong with some of you?
GTFO with that shit.
Not everything is an agenda you know. People can just be kind and courteous and I'd bet that is what 99.999% of the men/woman who hold doors for people are.
If they're upset because you don't acknowledge it, they were doing it for the wrong reason and that is their problem.
Yeah no
Yeah no
Very this. Exactly.
Not acknowledging someone who just did something nice for you is basically saying they're not worth the same acknowledgement they just gave you.
Not saying or doing anything makes you the rude one. Once that happens don't be surprised if people react with snark. In my eyes it's deserved.
Again, I won't always do it, but if I really don't like the vibes I get from someone then I may have to say something.
That's not how this works. Read above.
The person not offering gratitude is the only one in the wrong here. It's basic human decency to thank someone for doing something for you.
(Though I draw the line at thanking bus drivers unless they actually did something worthy of thanks)
One thing is men looming over women in narrow doorways expecting gratitude for their antiquated ~chivalry~ It's clueless and creepy. Or maybe some realise it's threatening and that's the intention, considering a number of men on here also said they'd continue to cold approach women in public despite women in the thread stating it makes them deeply uncomfortable.
You can usually tell when the other person isn't doing it for kudos as ime there's no staring down as you pass through. I just give 'em a quick thanks and move on, nbd.
This attitude is why women rarely bother to talk to men like you on these subjects and we're shouted out of these threads. Maybe if you were less dismissive and bothered to listen then you could get some actual insight on the matter. Or you could keep making stupid fucking quips looking like an ignorant ass.
You can usually tell when the other person isn't doing it for kudos as ime there's no staring down as you pass through. I just give 'em a quick thanks and move on, nbd.
This attitude is why women rarely bother to talk to men like you on these subjects and we're shouted out of these threads. Maybe if you were less dismissive and bothered to listen then you could get some actual insight on the matter. Or you could keep making stupid fucking quips looking like an ignorant ass.
Because the topic is about people who act snide and entitled over some small favor they performed, rather than the OP simply disliking those who do small favors.
Small gestures of decency and courtesy are inherently human. Even with the occasional weirdo or social awkwardness, I much prefer it to a cynical world where no one gives a thought to the circumstances or people around them.
Its true, some elderly man was approaching the door carrying a box and as I opened the door from the other side to help him out, I said to myself "I own you bitch"
I'm sorry but a sarcastic "you're welcome", while a little dickish is in no way an "aggressive reaction."
Aggressive reaction implies the dude grabbed OP and shook them like "How DARE you not thank me! I held the door open for you!"
While no one is entitled to a thank you, it's still rude not to thank someone doing a kind gesture for you. Some people will react negatively with their own rudeness when you're rude to them. You can't exactly act in a rude manner and not expect someone to respond in kind. And no, I'm not excusing the dude for his little snide remark but it was just that - a snide remark. It's not "really messed up". It's as slightly rude as not thanking someone for holding the door open. Hardly something to traumatize someone for life. It really isn't understandable that OP has this much of an aversion to people holding doors based on this.
User banned (2 weeks): excessive hostility and aggressive, condescending sexism towards another member
Hey dumbshit most women don't care about doors being opened for them, I know this because I actually talk and listen to women in real life. Most of the most important people in my life are women and they'll tell you exactly who I am. Not that it matters we don't care about you. So miss me with all that asshole.
Can you explain why women hold doors open for men too? Because that's definitely happened to me numerous times.
Nah, the topic is about this: " I don't want to have to look at a random person and say thank you every time I go in somewhere at the same time as someone because they held the door open for me. "
And then a later reply by the OP: " I'm not an introvert at all I just don't like feeling like I have to thank a stranger for something I didn't ask or want them to do."
The second half of the OP was talking about a specific incident where someone acted snide. The meat of the OP is being upset at the idea of having to say thank you any time someone opens a door for them.
Totally agree hate when people say bless you too
I don't need to be "blessed" by your fake sky fairy. Want to throw my hat at the next person that says that and laugh with mirth. I don't want to cause a scene though Instead I shall just look gormlessly and say nothing
I don't need to be "blessed" by your fake sky fairy. Want to throw my hat at the next person that says that and laugh with mirth. I don't want to cause a scene though Instead I shall just look gormlessly and say nothing
I certainly don't expect thanks when holding doors for people. I'm happy and comfortable with doing it. I also auto-thank anyone who holds the door for me. I genuinely appreciate it. Honestly, I didn't think about it too much before.
What I'm talking about is the specific person who reacted to the OP's silence with a sarcastic "you're welcome," and others like them should they exist. That's the situation I'm talking about. If people are gonna be hostile like that, then they shouldn't bother holding doors open. It's wild to me that someone would escalate a scene like that just because someone didn't say thanks for an open door. In OP's case, that person was out of line.
Detect smugness and apathy from doorway enterers? I don't have those kinds of sensors. People might just be having a bad day. Lost in their thoughts because they just got fired or they broke up with their significant other or got a really bad medical diagnosis. It's just holding open a door. imo, silence should not be provoking 'fuck them' reactions from door-holders. I mean, come ooooonnnnnnnnnn.
Last edited:
OP
OP
I like it when I get to the airlock portion of my building, someone is exiting from the 2nd door as I'm entering the first, and we just stop and look at each other. Each holding the door open for the other, unwilling to move. I like to call it a Canadian stand-off.
The. . .hell?
The hell?
No, no if I remember to hold the door open I'm not asking for a thank you and gosh knows I'm not hitting on you. I just want you to be happy dammit.
This is speaking as someone who's an introvert myself. Door dude who had the nerve to mouth off at you for being socially awkward/not paying attention was being a jerk here but my GOSH. My feelings are hurt through the screen just thinking about how a social interaction would go down between us. Hell sometimes I even just keep holding the door open for an entire small crowd just because I don't know when it's convenient to let it go, it's not some kind of power dynamic and I'm embarrassed for anyone on either side of the fence who thinks it is.
The hell?
No, no if I remember to hold the door open I'm not asking for a thank you and gosh knows I'm not hitting on you. I just want you to be happy dammit.
This is speaking as someone who's an introvert myself. Door dude who had the nerve to mouth off at you for being socially awkward/not paying attention was being a jerk here but my GOSH. My feelings are hurt through the screen just thinking about how a social interaction would go down between us. Hell sometimes I even just keep holding the door open for an entire small crowd just because I don't know when it's convenient to let it go, it's not some kind of power dynamic and I'm embarrassed for anyone on either side of the fence who thinks it is.
Aggression isn't just physical. Words can be aggressive. Assault and battery is not the sole definition of "aggressive." I'm not saying the man broke the law or anything like that. Sarcasm in that situation is hostile. Dude was pissed. He was mad. To me, being provoked to anger by such a nothing event is off.
Is this a real post? It seems too stupid to be real but I can't tell.
Take your own advice and read the OP:
The OP clearly has a problem with people doing small favors.
It's almost as if the snarky incident left the OP feeling obligated to say "Thank you" because apparently not doing so gives some people license to talk to you like you're a piece of shit. It's all kind of inter-related here.
I do...that's why I said I do? I don't get your point.
The problem is I don't agree holding doors is a sexist act because men hold doors for men, women hold doors for women, women hold doors for men, etc.
It's called treating your fellow humans with respect and acting like they're not just npcs who have to inhabit a world you own.
It may or may not have been.
But the issue is that you're making this the case for every single time someone opens a door for you, and generalizing this incident to every other one, in implying that everyone who does this is an asshole.
Maybe in that one situation, the person was a jerk too. But you preface that story by letting us know this is how you feel in general about this practice.
And if that's how you actually feel about everybody who does it, then yes, you are indeed the jerk in this case, and are most likely overly sensitive.
I'm not sure why you are struggling so much in seeing the difference here.
No because it's a common courtesy where I grew up so I just do it on command now and expect it. It's of a better alternative than getting smashed into a door or hurting yourself.
I don't mind when people hold doors open for me. It does get awkward where I work if I'm just behind (or just in front of) someone and we're both going in, to the stairs, and upstairs. There are 5 doors nearly back to back there, so at that point I start to wonder what the "thanks" protocol is. Every door? Just the first? First and last?
The thing that feels really "patriarchal" to me (as a woman) is when the person in front of me opens the door and then steps out of the way to let me go first while they hold it open. Like, just go in first and hold it open behind you like a normal person. >_>
Especially awkward with the aforementioned 5 doors because they hold the first one open, let me in first, and then that leaves me to hold the next 4 doors open for them. I like to imagine on some level they learn something from this, but probably not.
The thing that feels really "patriarchal" to me (as a woman) is when the person in front of me opens the door and then steps out of the way to let me go first while they hold it open. Like, just go in first and hold it open behind you like a normal person. >_>
Especially awkward with the aforementioned 5 doors because they hold the first one open, let me in first, and then that leaves me to hold the next 4 doors open for them. I like to imagine on some level they learn something from this, but probably not.
It's ironic how the select few are pointing only to that part of the op, then accusing others of not reading the whole op.
There is a difference between pushing a door open so the next person can catch it, holding it for a second, and stopping in your tracks so someone can exit with you. I'd say most of the time it's a brief pause or pushing the door open for the next person.
But if you stop and hold it open for people that is even worse. Not thanking someone for doing that is just rude as hell.
But if you stop and hold it open for people that is even worse. Not thanking someone for doing that is just rude as hell.
I'm fairly confident most women do not share your view on this issue given that opening a door for somebody isn't gender-specific. I personally do it for men as often as I do it for women. (I do it for everyone habitually because manners really are the glue of society)
I'm all for holding doors but how is "getting smashed into a door or hurting yourself" an alternative to holding doors? Do people physically attack others for not holding doors where you are?
It's barely midday and we have reached peak weekend-Era posting.
I always hold the door open for people man, woman, old, young, any race etc etc and 9/10 times I get some response of acknowledgement and gratitude. It's just a small act of selflessness that can go a long way.
I remember I had lunch with a friend once and he got up for napkins and utensils without me even asking, it felt nice. Seeing someone taking the initiative to be giving is nice.Letting someone into your lane during rush hour, letting someone with a small grocery haul ahead of you in line, picking up something someone has dropped and handing it back to them, and on and on.
I look at it as it's hard out there and you never know how a small act of looking out for someone else can contribute to brightening that person's day.
I always hold the door open for people man, woman, old, young, any race etc etc and 9/10 times I get some response of acknowledgement and gratitude. It's just a small act of selflessness that can go a long way.
I remember I had lunch with a friend once and he got up for napkins and utensils without me even asking, it felt nice. Seeing someone taking the initiative to be giving is nice.Letting someone into your lane during rush hour, letting someone with a small grocery haul ahead of you in line, picking up something someone has dropped and handing it back to them, and on and on.
I look at it as it's hard out there and you never know how a small act of looking out for someone else can contribute to brightening that person's day.
No I just mean when someone opens the door and don't hold it open and your right behind them the door can close on you I've walked into doors alot :(
Again, the OP makes it very clear they don't like having the door held for them under any circumstance because this brief social interaction makes them feel awkward.
The snarky issue is something else entirely and the person who did it was being rude.
Anyone that thinks otherwise are the ones with a problem.
I don't give a shit who the person is. I'll push the door open wide or hold it for them if they're gonna make it to the door in time. Most of the time I won't say shit if it goes by unnoticed but again, if the person comes off smug about it, doesn't even try to reach for the door themselves, and goes in without saying shit, then all bets are off.
This is more situational than people are thinking.
The only thing I know as automatic is to acknowledge someone doing something nice for you.
Oof. Sorry to hear that. Stay safe with those doors. Squished fingers are a motherfucker.