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Am I wrong to think that it's impossible to truly be friends with your coworkers?

ToddBonzalez

ToddBonzalez

The Pyramids? That's nothing compared to RDR2
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,530
I want to maintain a cordial and friendly relationship with my coworkers, but I feel that it's impossible to truly be friends. At the end of the day, I think anyone will snitch on you to a supervisor if they perceive you as negatively impacting their work, and don't get me started on anonymous peer reviews. Likewise, everyone wants to look better than their peers so they get the promotion, raise, exciting project, whatever it may be. While they might not be trying to keep their coworkers down, it's sort of implicit since there aren't enough of these good opportunities to go around.

Am I being overly paranoid and/or cynical here?
 
Stoof

Stoof

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,764
I've made plenty of friends through work. Depends on the job and the atmosphere of the workplace.
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
28,989
Wrexham, Wales
Depends on the job. Last job I worked with a proper workplace there wasn't really much job mobility so nobody gave a fuck about positions or backstabbing. We went out drinking and hung out sometimes out of work as well.

I would be looking for another job if I had colleagues that constantly saw you as a chess piece.

Also what are anonymous peer reviews? You literally grading your co-workers? That is some evil shit if you "have" to do it.
 
Laserbeam

Laserbeam

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,443
Canada
I feel largely the same, but it's also mostly because they just aren't people I'd want to be friends with...and then also work with.
 
RadzPrower

RadzPrower

One Winged Slayer
Member
Jan 19, 2018
6,042
I have no aspirations of advance, etc. and just want to do my job, so I CAN have friends at work. Back when I was in the office, none of my co-workers were terribly social though, so it was kind of a moot point.

Did have a team a couple of years ago and I was good friends with a few of them and we would go out and get drinks and shit talk after hours when we'd get together for our quarterly meetings.
 
I Don't Like

I Don't Like

Member
Dec 11, 2017
14,898
Yes. Three guys I met at work from 2009-2012 became good friends and we've hung out regularly since. A few others I don't see frequently but still hang out with periodically.
 
Brinbe

Brinbe

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
58,042
Terana
lol that's definitely just your workplace. not at all the norm. plenty of my coworkers have gone on to be real good friends
 
Beignet

Beignet

alt account
Banned
Aug 1, 2020
2,638
I think it's possible if there's an understanding that you won't use each other to climb the ladder. Couldn't be friends with my manager or boss though, that just seems incomprehensible to me.
 

Deleted member 46493

User requested account closure
Banned
Aug 7, 2018
5,231
A few years ago I would've agreed but I have two coworkers I am truly friends with. One quit and moved to Germany yet we talk everyday in our group chat. We used to go out on weekends pre-Covid, never talked about work, and introduced to each other's friends. My other coworker - also in the group - is more reserved and introverted but still consider him a true friend. I know I can rely on them and it's not awkward. He's been one of the few people I've seen during covid (after tests, of course).
 
Redcrayon

Redcrayon

Patient hunter
On Break
Oct 27, 2017
12,713
UK
Depends on the setup in your workplace. In 22 years of office work, one of my close colleagues ended up being the photographer at my wedding, others have become friends I still go for drinks with a decade after we stopped working together. On the other hand, there's definitely been some I was friendly-but-not-friends with, whether they were my manager, colleagues or reports.
 

Deleted member 70788

Jun 2, 2020
9,620
I have plenty of close friends from work. Most of the orgs I've worked in though are fairly flat organizationally though and very issue focused non-profit work though. Very different than a corporate America type job.
 

Deleted member 33533

Banned
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Depends on the people and the nature of the job. One of my closest friends was a coworker. He isn't the type of person to sell you out just to get ahead, he's very trustworthy and loyal. We also worked in an environment that didn't pit coworkers against each other or encourage any of that type of behavior. I definitely understand there are jobs where you really have to be cautious about how much you open up to people.
 
natjjohn

natjjohn

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,532
I mean, most people are normalish but only takes one loser to potentially hurt you no matter the work environment or job.
 
Biggersmaller

Biggersmaller

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,966
Minneapolis
I've established lasting friendships at work. I worked with a guy for 9 years at a large financial services firm in the corporate office. Stopped working together in 2015. Still great friends.
 
John Rabbit

John Rabbit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,094
It is entirely possible. I became my co-worker friend's boss and still maintained a friendship with him. It's about setting boundaries and having clear communication.
 
Y2Kev

Y2Kev

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,838
I don't see how this could possibly be true. I've gone on like vacation with some of my coworkers.
 
Kingpin Rogers

Kingpin Rogers

HILF
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,459
Depends on the job no? You think your coworkers are gonna snitch on you if you're just working in a grocery store?
I know someone who got fired from his job at a theme park because he didn't want to snitch on a pal who gave a free hotdog to another friend.
 

Deleted member 8752

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,122
It's impossible with SOME coworkers. But I have a very small handful of friends at work that I genuinely feel are my friends for life.
 
DarkLegion

DarkLegion

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,679
It depends on the people tbh. Met some people who are my closest friends and it feels more natural hanging out with them outside of work than seeing them in meetings now lol
 
GrimGrinningGuy

GrimGrinningGuy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,465
Peltz said:
But are you friends?
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KDC720

KDC720

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,322
Very situational I think. I've become good friends with co-workers I've had in the past, others just stay "work friends", and others just friendly acquaintances that I have no desire to get to know.
 
SwampBastard

SwampBastard

The Fallen
Nov 1, 2017
11,016
I've made some great friends at work, including an older lady who has basically become a second mom to me and wants me to eulogize her at her funeral.
 
SolVanderlyn

SolVanderlyn

I love pineapple on pizza!
Member
Oct 28, 2017
13,501
Earth, 21st Century
Depends on the workplace, like others have said. Sometimes I make great friends at work. Other times I want nothing to do with them knowing my business because it will just bite me in the ass down the road.

That's one sign of a toxic workplace.
 

AzVal

Member
May 7, 2018
1,873
Never made a friend at work in over 5 places and more than 15 years of working, I get along with everyone, but my last day at a place is basically the last time I speak with them.
 
Temascos

Temascos

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,505
Most of the time I keep my work colleagues and my personal friends separate, it just makes it easier for me but it means a lot of the time I don't show my "real" side.
 
MegaRockEXE

MegaRockEXE

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 29, 2017
3,947
I've made connections with some, but not really deep. It's nice to have a slightly larger group of people to maybe fall back on once in a while though.
 
Chaos Legion

Chaos Legion

The Wise Ones
Member
Oct 30, 2017
16,912
I've made a lot of friends from work, some that I'm arguably better friends with than friends I grew up with or went to college with. We were also in what is considered among the more cut throat jobs in finance.

I can definitely see some workplaces are probably not conducive to making friends though.
 
bananab

bananab

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,857
I've made great friends at work including one I still talk to regularly after like 15 years. As time wears on you're gonna have a tough time making new friends if coworkers can't qualify.
 
Aranjah

Aranjah

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,185
There are definitely a lot of my coworkers I'd keep at arm's length outside of the work environment (although I'm fortunate that there aren't any direct coworkers of mine that I actively dislike), but there's a small group of people I work with that I feel like I'm pretty close to.
 

Deleted member 13798

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
12,374
I wouldn't bank on them as being your main source of finding friends, or even friends in general once you leave the job, but I don't think there's anything wrong with trying. It really depends on the job. I've tried that in several places I've worked and the results are very mixed, but I also made some of my best friends from one of my workplaces. We weren't in the same department or anything though so maybe that helped.
 
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ToddBonzalez

ToddBonzalez

The Pyramids? That's nothing compared to RDR2
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,530
bananab said:
I've made great friends at work including one I still talk to regularly after like 15 years. As time wears on you're gonna have a tough time making new friends if coworkers can't qualify.
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I feel as if it's impossible to be friends with someone that you're inherently pitted against in competition, or where there's a power imbalance (can't really be friends with someone that has the ability to either fire you or promote you, etc.).
 
Officer Big Mac

Officer Big Mac

Member
Oct 28, 2017
22,596
Friendly? Sure. But when people's ability to support themselves is endangered then all is fair game. Be careful what you share and who you trust.
 
True Underdog

True Underdog

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
744
Seattle, WA
I was close friends with some of my coworkers before I started working with them but I've also made close friends at work. Most of my friends are from work. I think it depends on where you work.

I work in games and I feel like making friends with coworkers is pretty common in that industry.
 
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